


You'll Be Better Off Now (I Know What's Best For You)

by Littlewriterlexi



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/F, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Kara can't control herself around Lena, Kara is a mess, Kara is terrified of hurting Lena, Lena is secretly also a mess, Lena makes her too happy, Lena/kara, Needing Someone, Oblivious, Slow Burn, Smut, SuperCorp, honestly a bit of everything, sorry i'm so bad at tagging, will update tags and description as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-06-05 06:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15164312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlewriterlexi/pseuds/Littlewriterlexi
Summary: It hadn't been easy, deciding that it was too dangerous for her and Lena to be together. After all, they were in love, but Kara would always do what was best for others above herself and no longer trusting herself to remain in control around Lena, she lets her go. It left a void in Kara, who came to the conclusion that relationships weren't for her. Years later a new foe is using the very memories of her relationship with Lena against her and has distanced herself from everyone she loves, Kara isn't sure she's ready to fly back in and see all the people she's let down. If she wants to keep Lena safe though, she won't have a choice. With everything against her, even her own memories, how is Kara supposed to remain cool around Lena, who seems to have completely moved on while Kara is still a mess? Kara hasn't allowed herself to feel anything good in so long, she's left a shell of her former self. Is the real Kara still somewhere inside of her, or is all that remains the hurt, terrified, emotionally distant Kara all that remains? Lena and the rest of Kara's friends and family certainly hope not, and together, with a bit of help from an unlikely source, hope to prove to Kara she isn't dangerous to her friends or family.





	1. Snap

**Author's Note:**

> For those curious, the working title is inspired by Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days. Specifically a certain Xion scene. 
> 
> I've been away for a while, and I'm so sorry.
> 
> And no, all my other stories aren't forgotten, but unfortunately, I write whatever comes into my head. Even if that means starting new stories. The next two updates are going to be a for a couple of stories that I haven't updated in a long while, and I'll still finish the pride month prompt stuff too, even though pride month is over. I've just been going through some pretty rough stuff, but I'm okay I think. Thank you all for your patience, and I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Additional notes at the bottom.

_Snap._

Rao, Kara hated that sound. Out of all the sounds that existed in the world that had to be her least favorite of all. She never got used to it, no matter how often she had to hear it, which considering she spent a great deal of time punching out bad guys, was quite often. There were all kinds of snaps. Sometimes it came from the blow itself, the snap of her fist colliding with an alien foe who could withstand some of her super strength. Those were rare, the ones who could withstand her full might. Supergirl always had to hold back, because if she lost control people would get hurt. Who was there to stop her from getting hurt?

_Snap._

Sometimes the snapping sound came from a broken bone, sometimes she grabbed a human too quickly, or with a little too much force, and their fragile bones would snap like they were nothing but cardboard compared to the strength of a yellow sun powered Kryptonian. They were all so fragile, weren't they? One wrong move, one little twist, one minor mistake and Supergirl might become a murderer without ever meaning to. Could she really be blamed though? How was it her fault if humans caved in with the smallest amount of pressure because that's what she used. That delicate balance between too much and too little was so difficult to maintain, and she was expected to always keep it in mind. How was Kal-El so good at it, he did it with little to no effort. Time wasn't an excuse anymore, she'd been on Earth for years, and years. Surely she should be able to control her powers perfectly after all these years? No, it wasn't her control that was the problem, it was the situations in which she lost it.

_Snap_

Snapping could also refer to the state of one's mind. When someone snapped mentally there was almost always a reckoning for that person, the people they loved or in some miserable cases, it was everyone who suffered. There was no way to strengthen the mind either, so people just had to go through life hoping their mind could withstand whatever terrible things the world would throw at them. Some were lucky and experienced very little mental trauma. Others were far less fortunate and had to deal with more trauma than any one person should experience in their lifetime. Some people had their planets explode, lost their friends and family, then found themselves fortunate enough to find a new family and friends, only to learn that so many restrictions had to be placed on them because of something beyond their control.

_CRASH_

The final sound wasn't a snap, but it could hurt almost just as bad. Though crash could refer to a number of painful things, it was usually the heartbreak that hurt the most. It varied from person to person sure, but with physical pain stemming from a crash, either one of the motorized vehicle variety or the being punched through a building kind would heal with time. A shattered heart had the potential of never healing, depending on the person who broke it. If it was broken by that very special person, the person you know you were meant to be with, then there was nothing you could do but walk around and pretend to be okay. If your job consisted of giving people hope, and smiling a lot so that everyone felt okay when you beat the bad guys, well… Too bad. Some people simply didn't have the luxury of hurting.

The static in her intercom pulled Supergirl from all those thoughts, she'd been fighting on autopilot and found she could not even remember the appearance of whatever generic, evil alien jerk's lights she had been punching out. It was happening more and more frequently too, her performing tasks without truly thinking about them while she grew lost in her head. Always it was the same voice beyond the static in her headpiece that brought her back down to Earth. "Supergirl!" echoed in her ear, a hint of annoyance tinged with the concern.

"Sorry Alex, I'm here. The target is contained. You can send agents to pick him up now, he won't be causing any more trouble for a while."

"Thank you, Supergirl," she responded, trying to hide a sigh a relief. What followed was a few moments of awkward silence before Alex resumed talking. "You've been getting distracted a lot recently, Supergirl. Maybe you should head back and talk about it…?" Alex allowed her words to trailed off, but it was plain to Kara, and all those also listening around Alex at the D.E.O, that she was worried for her sister. They hadn't truly talked in months now, and there didn't seem to be a root cause. Kara was just drifting off, from everyone. It was slightly terrifying, not just to Alex, but to Kara herself as well.

Kara's heart twinged slightly, familiar aches threatening to rise to the surface and overwhelm her with things she'd chosen to not deal with when appropriate, so she intended to keep them buried deep. Kara didn't need super hearing to know Alex was eagerly awaiting her response, she also knew exactly what her foster sister wanted to hear. The part that hurt Kara the most was that she wanted the same thing, but she didn't know how to be that girl anymore. It all felt so foreign to her now, and even though she hated being alone the extended time she'd been spending alone was beginning to feel like home to her. Her brain and heart, which never agreed on anything, were both shouting at her to accept Alex's offer, to sit and chat, to tell her what was wrong, or at least try to since she didn't even really know… Alas, it was her pain that won out. "I'm sorry Alex, I can't today. I have a lot to do."

The Kryptonian powerhouse never even gave her sister a chance to respond. She was already going to feel guilty all night, and hearing the hurt in Alex's voice was only going to make it worse for her. It was the selfish choice and would hurt Alex more than her but Kara felt like she had been getting pretty good at being selfish these days. There was also a small part of her that worried she would hurt Alex. It was an irrational fear, she'd never lost control around Alex and hurt her. She was pretty good at controlling her powers, but that didn't mean it wasn't a constant struggle.

Humans seemed to take for granted exactly how strong Kryptonians were. Especially the criminals, and Kara could only attribute it to her, and her cousin's, control. They watched them take down humans without injuring them every day, so they had been conditioned to believe that it was easy to not shatter bones or stop hearts. It was just another day in the life of Supergirl, right? They saw her as the hero, so that meant she wasn't capable of killing them. Sometimes Kara blamed them for those train of thoughts, humans in general. It wasn't easy, not by a long shot. It wasn't just the people she could break, but their belongings, their buildings… Everything on Earth was just so fragile, and she was the one expected to maintain some semblance of control over her powers. It hardly seems fair, but there was no alternative solution. After all, if she punched a bad guy too hard she might send her fist right through his chest. If she twitched too suddenly she might break a bone, if she exhaled too sharply she might send him into a wall hard enough to break his spine. So it was on her, to always remain focused and disciplined and to watch out for the well being of murderers and thieves.

Kara had not started out this bitter over it, her powers were a gift and when she had decided to become Supergirl and help National City it had made her feel complete, like herself. The first few years were hard, but they hadn't completely sapped her optimism away. It wasn't completely gone, even now, it was just buried inside and Kara was trying to find the good. She still loved helping people, she still loved saving people but she also wanted some semblance of fairness. She wanted to be able to enjoy her life beyond being Supergirl. Why couldn't she hug her foster sister without having to worry about snapping her in half? Why couldn't she have her first kiss without breaking the poor boy's jaw? Why couldn't she make love to someone she cared about without-

Kara's face wrinkled up, and she glanced down towards the knocked out extraterrestrial a few feet ahead of her. She'd done a number on him, knocked him out good. It was ironic when she thought how she'd never been that afraid of hurting someone when she had started, and yet since she'd developed this fear of using too much strength it was making her more savage in her fights. It's like she was trying to tempt fate, trying to find that sweet spot for each foe, the line that defined exactly how hard she could hit without doing permanent damage. It was dangerous and reckless but it was also the only thing that allowed Kara to feel alive. After all, she was going to pick up some dinner, go back to her apartment and sit there for a quiet night of boring solitude.

The sound of sirens was rapidly approaching, and a small gathering of people had arrived to see the aftermath of the fight. Those less brave were standing a ways away, snapping photos and videos on their cellphones. Worried parents held onto their children so they didn't rush ahead, and young girls were screaming for Kara's attention, desperately hoping that their favorite hero would pause for a photo with them. Once it would have brought Kara so much joy to stop for each of those children and make their day. Give them something to brag about to all their friends, but fear kept her at bay. It made her look like more of a bitch than she used to, as well.

Just as the sirens were coming into view Kara jumped off the ground as hard as she could, launching herself high into the air. She flew away and with her enhanced hearing she could hear the disappointed children down below, and she shut both her eyes and heart to the sound. She took a few moments to clear her head, darting between buildings and when her stomach reminded her she was hungry she decided it was time to change back to mild-mannered Kara Danvers. She flew into her apartment faster than the human eye could track, and while still utilizing her speed changed, fixed her hair and was back out on the street in the same amount of time it took to blink. She'd never done the tests, but Kara was fairly sure that she'd been getting faster over the last few years.

She did slow down for the walk to the Chinese food place, moving at a more appropriate speed for the public. Kara always got a kick out of walking about in public, a sort of thrill that no one knew she was experiencing. The Green Arrow, the Flash they both wore masks and took such care of their identities. Then there was Kara and her cousin, where their human identities were the secret one. Kara Danvers and Supergirl, two sides of the same coin but the line between which one was truly her had been blurring more than ever. Kara never used to walk around alone, contemplating her existence but that was also something that could be added to the list of things she'd been doing too frequently.

When she entered the restaurant, one of her favorites, the friendly old woman who didn't speak English behind the counter beamed over at her, and Kara responded with a small smile in turn. She began shouting in Mandarin behind her and the sound of chuckles reached Kara's ears. They knew her order, and though they couldn't properly communicate there was a sort of… Friendship there. Friendship wasn't perhaps the right word, but this place was comforting and made delicious food.

When they called Kara up the woman beckoned her over in the universal 'hurry' motion, and Kara's head tilted curiously. Kara was pulling her card out the pay, but the woman pushed Kara's arm away, and for a fleeting second Kara was entering panic mode. She hadn't been expecting it, what if she moved her arm too fast? What if she broke the woman's wrist? Just as quickly as her fears had appeared, they vanished when the friendly woman pulled her arm away. "You have bad day," she exclaimed, saying it as a statement, and not a question. Kara tilted her head curiously, unsure what to say. "You have bad day, I give extra. You no pay." and with arms extended ahead of her she began shooing Kara away with a large smile. All Kara could do was chuckle, and give a grateful smile. Kara would remember this, and the next time she went there she was going to be sure to leave a huge tip.

On her way back to her place, the scent of over sixty pot stickers tickling her nostrils, Kara was thinking about how pathetic it was that the highlight of her day was this food. Her friendliest interaction had been with a woman that did not even share a language with her. She was going to go home, consume all of this food alone and continue to waste her life away. She laughed aloud, there was no one around to hear her anyway. "I can't hurt you, can I potstickers?" then she wanted to facepalm because she was speaking to her dinner.

"I think you're too hard on yourself Kara Zor-El."

Kara whirled around, clutching the large bag of food to her side, careful to not squeeze it and ruin the precious contents within. Someone was walking towards her from the alley she had been walking by. Her eyes narrowed, scanned the stranger and the surrounding area but he seemed to be alone. Her pulse quickened as she wondered what manner of alien this person was, irritation making her hope she could wrap it up quickly and go home. Whoever it was, they were enjoying making a show out of it, making sure to walk slowly out of the shadows until he revealed himself.

Kara blinked and began giggling. She'd actually been worried, but when the stranger emerged from the shadows to reveal himself, he proved to be nothing more than a kid. Okay, a teenager, but still. He couldn't be older than fifteen years old if that. He was dressed in tight-fitting spandex, but he it didn't look like he'd modified it in any way. It was bright blue, a cape of the same shade dangling behind him and a typical blue mask to hide his face. He was brave to startle Kara as he had, and though she was curious as to how she knew she was Supergirl, Kara was no longer feeling particularly threatened.

"You think I'm funny?" He asked, quirking an uneven brow.

"I think that you should run home, kid." She responded casually enough, then sighed. "I don't know how you know who I am but I'd appreciate it if you left me alone. If you want to play hero, then don't. It's a bad idea, and you're going to get hurt."

"The Supergirl I've heard about would never judge someone at a glance," he responded, almost like he'd known what she was going to say. "You can call me The Memory Master." he bowed dramatically for Kara, a grin slowly spreading on his mouth.

"Yeah? And what can you do?" she asked, deciding to ignore the comment about the Supergirl he had heard about. That Supergirl had stopped coming around years ago. All that was left was this more cynical, sometimes afraid Supergirl. The one that had to be alone for fear of hurting someone with her powers, and even though she could admit it was irrational and based on only a few incidents, it was impossible to shake. "I'd really like to get home to enjoy my dinner."

He responded in the strangest way, with a slow clap as he began approaching Kara. He began walking around her in a circle, looking Kara up and down and the Kryptonian was wondering if he was just checking her out, which would suddenly make this encounter a lot creepier. "I'm not checking you out," he responded, which gave Kara a hint to his powers, as well as told her how she knew his identity. "Yes, I can read minds, but that's not what I do best," he responded to Kara's thought as he finished circling back to her front. He looked up towards the older woman and nodded approvingly. "It's funny, I would never have suspected you were a super strong alien from your current appearance."

"That's kind of the point, now what do you want?"

"To show you how wrong you are…" He was humming, rubbing at his chin. "I guess we'll start at the beginning right, that's what makes the most sense? Then I'm going to run over to the D.E.O and pay your friends a visit." he nodded, and was no longer paying attention to Kara.

That got Kara's attention, and she tensed, hands balling into fists. "I don't think that's going to happen."

"You'll understand soon," he replied, and as Kara lunged at him he snapped his fingers and Kara collapsed to the ground without so much as a whimper. She'd passed out the moment he had snapped his fingers. He dragged her into the alley so she would at least be somewhat hidden, patting her head softly. "Don't worry, you'll be alright." and he left, whistling a tune known only to him as left Kara in the alley.

//

"Thanks!" Kara chirped, as she puttered around the apartment, mostly going from the living room to the kitchen to deposit all the glasses they had used that night. It had been an unusually active game night. Mon-El and Winn had both shown up from the future with the rest of the legion, Clark and Lois had shown up. Lena, Alex, J'onn had all shown up too. It had taken a long time for Clark to trust Lena enough to come to these game nights as himself, much less bring his wife, but Lena had more than proven herself since that first meeting in her office.

Lena was more than a mere acquaintance, more than a friend, something even beyond a best friend. Lena had been through a lot with their entire group, but also just with Kara. Their friendship had endured and prevailed through countless trials, including the one revolving around her secret identity. Lena had needed a bit of time after that revelation, but Kara truly believed revealing it herself had been the right course of action, and had both saved the friendship and brought them back together stronger than ever.

After the secret was out a lot of things began to make sense to Lena, including a strange incident where she had visited J'onn pretending to be a sick Kara. Everyone had had a good laugh about that one. Lena had begun to settle in nicely to the D.E.O, going as far as to partner L-Corp up with them. Lena was the one providing the capital, materials and researching the non-lethal weapons J'onn had wanted them to use. Since that time, the D.E.O had stopped using lethal force and come to some amazing technological breakthroughs as far as non-lethal containment went. None of it even used Kryptonite, which was a bonus for Kara. Lena had kept that little tidbit of information, the recipe, secret. Kara was eternally grateful for that.

Kara and Lena spent a stupid amount of time together. Lena attended game night regularly, and since Kara was usually dateless they had attended friends' weddings together, they saw movies together and Kara even invited Lena over for dinner when her foster mother would visit. Not to mention when her birth mother had visited from Argo, she'd made sure Lena had been available for that too. No one would say they were… Together though, assuredly not. That would be ridiculous, after all. Kara was Supergirl, and it had been proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that all of her relationships failed tragically and Lena? She was Lena Luthor, the Chief Executive Officer of her own company and doing so many incredible things out there in the world Throw in the entire Super/Luthor stigma and the fact that Kara had never presented with feelings for another woman, well… It simply wasn't meant to be.

"It's the least I can do Kara, after all, you're always kind enough to invite me to these things. Helping you clean up is no big deal." Lena replied comfortably, moving back and forth in opposite time of Kara, glasses clinking together, the only sound in the apartment other than each woman's light footsteps. "It's nice." she added, and though she couldn't see Kara at that precise moment the blonde adjusted her glasses and frowned.

"What do you mean?" she asked, curiosity peaking. The frown hadn't been one of unhappiness, more of confusion.

"It's just nice, these gatherings, I enjoy them." Lena was speaking more slowly now, and both women had slowed in their movements. Kara was on her way to the kitchen with the last of the cups, and Lena was on her way to the living room empty handed, but this time they paused, meeting in the middle. Kara was still curious, and Lena just seemed relieved, emotional almost. "Growing up I always had to worry whether or not someone was using me for my name, my money or my company. There was no other option, it was always just a matter of when. As for my employees? Well, it's easy to act like someone's friend when they sign your paycheck." Lena paused, laughing nervously. It wasn't like her and Kara never had 'real' talks, but this was the most she'd ever revealed, as far as her feelings on her life went. "I'll admit I even thought that of you a few times, tried to figure out your angle," Lena began fidgeting uncomfortably, but Kara's stare betrayed no hint of anger or disappointment. They still only displayed her curiosity, wondering where Lena was going with any of this. "now I feel like I belong. With your friends, and with you." the usual calm tone of Lena was shakier than normal.

"Lena…"

The Luthor raised a hand to silence Kara, determined to go on. "You told me your greatest secret, Kara. You made me feel like family. You've saved my life more times than I can count and now, with all of this, you've saved my soul too."

Somewhere in between the words, unnoticed by either woman, they'd approached each other. They were face-to-face now and Kara was nervously tearing her lip apart because she didn't know what Lena's point was. There were a few things she did know though. One was that she felt incredibly hot, and not in any sort of sexually charged way, it was more like her insides were melting. The second was that her heart had sped up, and she felt like it would beat out of her chest. Only the tiniest bit of focusing was required for her to hear its thumping with her super hearing; she worried Lena might hear it too, or feel it if they were to hug. Lena reached towards Kara, and her perfectly manicured hand rested on Kara's cheek, and the Kryptonian found herself nuzzling into it. Kara wished she could find something to say but if she were to open her mouth she would only fumble over her words, and Lena would find it adorable and that would certainly not help the situation.

Which brought Kara back to the oh-so-important question of what exactly the situation was. They were so close now that Kara saw Lena's throat shift as the other woman swallowed, she could see every little shift in her friend's body which spoke volumes about how nervous Lena was. Neither woman made a move, they'd fallen completely still with both refusing to meet the other's eyes. Eventually, the stillness had to end, and their eyes seemed to lock simultaneously, blue and green reflecting beautifully off of each other. Then Kara was caught off guard by what Lena did next. Judging by how Lena rushed to press her face into Kara's, she hadn't been planning on kissing her. Everything stopped mattering though, and Kara's heart engaged its hyperdrive.

Her previous kisses had nothing on this one, as clumsy as it was. Her lips locked with Lena, and in the most predictable plot twist ever Lena was an expert kisser. Her lips mashed with Kara's expertly, moving in time to lock their lips together in a slow, sweet revelation of affection. Kara was completely lost, she wasn't even able to overthink it the way she would normally because Lena had captured her completely. She was so enraptured by the kiss that she probably wouldn't have noticed the glass she was holding in her left hand exploding, shattering into a pile of rubble. The sound startled both women, and Kara dropped the other two cups she'd been holding between separate sets of fingers in her other hand.

"Oh, damn. Sorry, Kara." Lena started apologizing, groaning softly as she looked to the mess around her. Her apology was short lived as she felt herself be pushed back into the wall, a soft thud echoing in Kara's small apartment.

"It's just a glass," Kara replied, and her voice seemed on the brink of desperation, but not in that needy, upset way. She was desperate to prove to herself that the situation was real, that it hadn't been some fluke. That kiss had turned something inside of Kara, something that had been there since meeting Lena that she hadn't been able to accurately pinpoint. A sense of longing that had built deep and hollow in her chest, but had been kept a secret was all at once being filled and satiated. Kara was usually such a, for lack of a better word, good girl. She was always in control but one kiss from Lena had made her come undone and Kara was very much no longer in control.

Lena was on board with the second kiss, putting up no pretense of fighting. Instead, her arms wrapped around the blonde's neck, fingers interlocking as though to prevent Kara from escaping her. Time was lost to both, they could have been kissing for mere minutes, or truly, it could have been hours and neither would have known the difference. One thing that was certain, however, was that things were different. With how the kissing had resumed, and the fact that neither seemed to want to stop it, it meant that once it did stop there would have to be talking. Unable to read each other's thoughts, neither could tell that both were equally terrified of the other not truly wanting this. Two women, silent, but hoping for the same thing and trying to find it in the comfort of each others' mouths.

With control lost, and just wanting to be closer to Lena Kara stepped forward to press her body to Lena's. Her brain wasn't processing yet, her mind had yet to catch up with everything that was going on. Her fingers were interlocking with Lena's hair, moving down to cup her face. She was grabbing at Lena's shoulder, was going to lightly pull her forward and do… Well, Kara hadn't thought that far ahead. She wanted to move away from the wall, maybe to the bed? She didn't think they'd sleep together, not so quickly, but in the end, it didn't matter because there was a loud snap and a howl of pain from Lena.

Her face scrunched up in pain after the initial shock and Kara took a step back, hands covering her mouth. Then she rushed forward to inspect the damage she had done, finding Lena's arm limp at her side. The blonde powerhouse didn't even need to use her X-ray vision to see what was wrong. She had pulled Lena's arm right out of its socket. It didn't make sense, she wasn't some kid learning to control her strength anymore, she'd had a grip on her powers for years. In her mind, the pull had been feather light.

With a dash of super speed, Kara got Lena's things ready. Lena had already called her driver, and he was en route to take her to the hospital. The whole time Kara apologized Lena kept reassuring her that it was no big deal, and despite the pain she was in she pressed a tiny peck to Kara's mouth each time she apologized like she was reminding her they'd just been kissing. "It's not big deal," she said, as she was heading out the door. "Trust me, when we tell everyone else they're going to laugh at this story, just like we will." and Lena blew Kara a kiss, leaving the Kryptonian's face a little flushed.

It was as she was picking up the shards of glass not too long after Lena left that Kara muttered to herself. "Yeah, we'll laugh about it." and she could feel a sense of anxiety bubbling up inside her. That was something that never should have happened, and it never had. Not when she'd kissed James or Mon-El… Sure, Mon-El was a special case, but still. She didn't just break things like that. Before she really got to overthinking it though, she giggled as the surge of endorphins hit her again, reminding her she'd just been kissing Lena.

So what if she'd crushed a glass, or accidentally pulled Lena's arm out of its socket? Okay, that last one was a little more severe, but it wouldn't happen again. Kara spent the rest of the night giggling like a school girl with a crush, which she kind of was. She felt like it anyway, and as she fell asleep she couldn't recall ever feeling so giddy. All that time with Lena, it finally made sense and their mouths mashing together had put everything into perspective. She wondered how Alex would react to finding out Kara was interested in a woman.

Kara even dreamed about that kiss.

//

When Kara woke up, she wasn't comfortable in her bed after having made out with Lena Luthor, the possible love of her live. Hell, the last time she had kissed that women was how many years ago? Her bad was several blocks away, currently unoccupied and Kara was laying on the cold, concrete floor in an alley. She couldn't tell how long she'd been out, and her poor potstickers were all over the ground. The confusion was setting in, even though Kara didn't exactly have time for that. The most disconcerting part was that Kara felt she had just lived through that entire situation again. It had felt so real, sensations that had been long gone were fresh again. She could practically taste Lena on her lips, tongue even darting out to check if she could find anything there. Her heart sank when there was nothing there, which meant it was, in fact, years later and that was long over with. Kara was all alone. Kara was all alone and her sister was in trouble.

The Kryptonian howled into the sky, and brought both fists crashing down into the ground as she got to her knees. The concrete crumbled under the weight of her fists, and probably scaring too many people to count in the immediate vicinity. Life had seen fit to be excessively cruel to Kara, but to be reminded of things she'd lost in such a way? That was unnecessary. Rao, she could still almost feel her…

She would have to push her feelings down later, because Memory Master's voice, as loathe as Kara was to call him that, still rang in her head. Even with the throbbing in her head Supergirl, because she was no longer in Kara Danvers mode, pushed herself to unsteady legs and jumped into the air with all her might and steadied herself at the apex of her jump. She took off, turning into nothing more than a blur as she sped towards the D.E.O. She didn't just go to her former place of work (yes she still helped out, but she was far less active), she literally crashed into it, breaking through the glass doors on the balcony that overlooked the city. "Alex!" Kara shrieked, looking around with a worried gaze for her sister.

She didn't see the familiar gaze of the elder Danvers sister looking back at her, the only glances she got were terrified of her. Just a group of regular looking employees, extremely confused by their city's hero random appearance, especially in such a rough manner. As the rage and adrenaline worked itself out of her system, that was when Alex appeared. She was frowning as she rushed towards Kara, placing her hands on either of Kara's shoulders. Kara winced, the memory of what she'd done to Lena years ago still fresh, and recoiled from Alex's touch. That was something she did a lot these days too. "Alex? I don't understand. He said he was coming here…"

"Who said he was coming here?"

"Memory Master," Kara explained, "he said he was coming here to hurt you. He said he was going to pay my friends a visit…" Kara's words trailed off again, realizing the potential mistake she'd made. He hadn't specifically mentioned family, no, he'd said her friends. Who could he hurt at the D.E.O…? "Lena!" Kara cried out, reaching for Alex but catching herself at the last moment, and choosing to let her arms go limp instead. "Lena still works here, doesn't she? Or is she at her lab?"

"Take a breath, you're not making any sense."

"I think Lena's in danger, Alex."

"Am I now?" chimed in a newcomer.

Everyone turned towards where the new voice was coming from, even Alex, and there she stood. One of her perfectly plucked eyebrows quirked up inquisitively, while also somehow making it seem like she already knew what was going on, the way she knew everything. Even at work, she was the picture of sophisticated grace, black dress clinging to her body nicely, but not too much to be considered inappropriate. Her lips, which Kara had just kissed - no, had just remembered kissing - ruby red, flawless, plump…Yes, there she was. Lena Luthor in all her glory. She strode towards Kara and Alex, seemingly unphased and the only sound was the whirring of machines, people's breath and the loud clicking of Lena's heels on the cool floor.

"You don't call, you don't write but here you are ready to save my life again," Lena announced. She was sporting a smile, but it seemed a little forced. "It's been too long, Kara. I hope you've been well?"

"I…"

The words hung there between them, and with the adrenaline wearing off Kara couldn't help but feel foolish. Seeing Lena was like being kicked directly in the stomach. No, perhaps being kicked in the heart was a more accurate description of what she was feeling. She longed to rush over to Lena and pick her up in her arms, and hug her tightly. Not even romantically, though the feelings she'd never settled were there too. They'd been friends before they'd been lovers, after all. They'd never stopped caring about each other. Well, Kara had never stopped caring about Lena, anyway. She couldn't speak for the Luthor, whom she once could have read like an open book, but now couldn't make out what was going on inside that pretty head of hers.

Employees were returning to work, and doing their best to look busy. The air had grown tense and awkward quickly. It was mostly Kara's fault, even though she didn't know what Lena was thinking or feeling at least the Luthor was trying to act normal. Kara cleared her throat, and deciding she didn't need them she threw her glasses to the side.

"I hope you've been well too, Lena." came Kara's too late reply. "It's really good to see you again."

There was the briefest pause. "Definitely." Lena smiled as she spoke, crossing her arms over her chest. "God, how long has it been since we've been in the same room together? Months at least."

Lena wasn't wrong, and she was being extremely polite not mentioning that even when they'd been in the same room together last Kara had scarcely said anything to her. Kara remembered it well, though. It was at the Christmas party, and Kara had only gone because she felt like she had to. That was how they interacted now. They saw each other at social gatherings. The nights of cuddles and movies on her couch were long gone, as were the days of stopping by with pizza and potstickers. The laughter, the love, even the friendship… Kara had burned it all down to the ground.

That was okay though. Because Lena was safe.

"It's been a while. I've been busy." Kara lied.

"Yes, I know saving the city demands a lot of your attention," Lena replied politely, again going along with the obvious lie. "You don't have to look so uncomfortable around me, Kara. We were good friends, once."

Kara almost flinched. "I'm not uncomfortable. I thought you were in trouble.

"Yes," Lena smiled slightly. "It's nice to know that you'd still rush in to save me, Supergirl." Lena nodded, sagely.

"It's what I do." Supergirl's response was naught more than a whisper.

"Why don't you start by telling us what you're saving me from today?"


	2. I care!

"A teenager… Got the better of you?" Alex asked for approximately the tenth time in as many minutes. She asked Kara to explain again, and again, and again without an end in sight. Not only was it beginning to grate on Kara's nerves, who suddenly wanted to be anywhere but at the D.E.O, explaining to Alex how she'd gotten her ass kicked (metaphorically) by some teenage boy, but Lena had remained silent the entire time so far. She hadn't uttered a single word, and that too was liable to push Kara over the edge. As if to piss her off further her brain insisted on reminding her that she used to be far less irritable, a series of flashes accompanied by a headache. It was more of a dull throb than a sharp pain, something constant that was more exasperating than truly painful.

"Yes, Alex."

"He did something to your brain?"

"Yes."

"He's made you relive memories?"

"Yes!"

"But you won't tell me which memories."

"Yes!"

"That's not being very helpful, Kara." Alex said, accompanying it with a soft sigh.

Kara felt like she was back on Earth school, being pulled into the principal's office over some misunderstanding due to her powers. Both Alex and Lena were staring intently at her from the other side of Alex's desk, and Kara wasn't quite able to read the looks they were giving her. It looked like a combination of concern, curiosity and… Something akin to disapproval? It was hard to tell, but it made Kara feel more foolish over this whole ordeal.

"If I'd known he was all talk I wouldn't have rushed over here." Kara spat, between gritted teeth. She made a point of averting her gaze and released a soft sigh in an effort to calm herself down. Rao, when did it become so hard to just talk to people? Kara was wondering if Lena and Alex knew she was paying attention, because even from her peripheral vision she could see them exchanged strange looks and Kara was done. "Spit it out!" she cried out as she spun towards the two, bringing both hands towards the desk, with the intention of pushing on it as she stood. Unfortunately for her she pushed a little too hard because a huge chunk of the desk just broke off and fell to the floor. It left Kara standing there, feeling incredibly embarrassed, which only fueled her irritation further. "Damn it!"

"It's just a desk Kara, it's alright." Alex attempted to reassure her.

Except she didn't get it. She never got it, and when had she gone to understanding all the ins and outs of being Kara Zor-El to not getting her at all. It wasn't just the desk, it was the fact she'd broken it at all, and at those kind words all Kara could do was grunt and throw her arms into the air in defeat, then just had them go limp and fall at her side. She slumped back into the chair, made a snide comment in her head about how she was surprised the chair hadn't broken too and sighed.

Alex presse a couple of fingers to the side of her head and turned away. Someone must have been talking into her comm because a moment later she responded to some unheard voice with a low "Got it, I'm on my way." before looking up towards Kara, and smiling apologetically. "I'll be right back alright? Wait here." and stood, walking briskly out of the room. Either Alex had forgotten that she'd left Lena in there with Kara, she didn't care or she trusted the two to be able to handle being alone together for however long she intended to be away. There were a few seconds of awkward silence after the sound of Alex walking away faded.

"I believe you, you know." Lena said, but she did not look towards Kara. If they weren't the only two people in the room then Kara would have honestly believed that Lena wasn't even addressing her.

"Thanks." she replied, a simple answer because what else could she say? Just saying that was almost too much.

Furtive glances were given in Lena's direction. Every few seconds Kara would glance towards the Luthor using a shake of her head that was barely noticeable. When Kara thought that would begin to look suspicious she began using stretches as her method, then a yawn. Then she coughed, and followed it up with another yawn, and she realized she was testing herself. She was trying to look towards Lena and not look at her lips but it wasn't working very well. Kara tried to keep her gaze on Lena's eyes, her belly, her legs. She even would have settled for staring at her chest, anything to avoid looking at her lips, ruby red and perfect. Kara wasn't as fast as Barry, she wondered if she could move fast enough to plant one on Lena's lips without her ever being the wiser.

"You're staring, Kara."

Oops. She'd lost herself in her head again, and had not turned away during one of her glances apparently. Her bottom lip was quickly captured between sets of white teeth, averting her gaze as quickly as she could. Sorry didn't seem like the appropriate thing to say so Kara just kept her mouth shut instead. Better than putting her foot in her mouth. She'd come a long way since being that girl who babbled over herself, the girl everyone found adorable. Was it better or worse? The sound of footsteps had her look back towards Lena, and her former lover pulled the chair beside Kara out and took a seat, resting her elbow on her knees.

"Talk to me, Kara."

"What do you want me to say Lena?" Kara responded in nothing more than a soft whisper, that honestly could have been a whimper because Kara just felt so, so defeated. "People always say things will get better but they're not. They're not getting better, they don't. For every criminal or hostile alien I put away ten more show up." by the time she was finished talking Kara was slumping slightly.

"That's true, but that's not what has you down." Lena replied, and Kara frowned in confusion. "You knew what you signed up for, Kara. You saw what your cousin had been doing for years, watched his career through your teenage years and you watched villain after villain come back to take him on again. That never stopped you from being the bubbly ray of sunshine you always were. This only started when-"

"Don't."

" Years later and you still won't talk about this with me?"

It came and it went in equal bursts. There were times when the walls Kara had built around her heart would fall and the only thing she could think about was Lena. It wasn't always romantic either, sometimes she just wanted to fly right into Lena's penthouse and apologize. She would want to sit down with her former lover and hash everything else, and explain everything. Knowing it wouldn't lead to them getting back together didn't matter, Kara just wanted to explain. Lena knew the truth, she had to. Lena Luthor was one of the most intelligent people on this planet, but that would never stop Kara from wanting Lena to hear it from her. The truth, her apology, the fact that she was still hopelessly in love with her.

The other end of the spectrum was the darker one, the parts of her that constantly reminded her what a bad idea it would be. The weeks following the breakup had shown the twom women that they couldn't handle a return to a simple friendship. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The reality was that it was Kara who couldn't handle it, and it broke her down. It made her feel stupid, like a child who was incapable of getting over a crush she should have long let go of. She tried, Rao did she ever try, but it always came back. The most random, unexpected things would send a surge of emotions about Lena right to her battered, broken heart and usually it was more than she could take. The only comfort was that she hadn't cried about it in a very, very long time. In that sense things had gotten better.

Kara reckoned her current train of thought was making her seem a little obsessed, but that wasn't the case at all. Since she never saw Lena anymore she could go weeks, months sometimes, without thinking of her old flame. The problem was that when she did remember, or when a fresh wave of emotions crashed into her, or when trying to act heroic about everything and she broke down and admitted she was lonely, it hurt so damn bad. The Kryptonian hated to admit these last few years had been the loneliest of her life, and that included the year of the Worldkiller incidents. Even through Reign her family and friends had tried but this time Kara had decided it was best for them if she cut them off, mostly. She felt like everyone was better off, except for her of course. And here was Lena, those beautiful emeralds trying to capture her attention and push her into talking. If Memory Master hadn't just screwed around in her head Kara might consider it. The way things stood though, she couldn't. That vision, reliving those memories so realistically was too much. She wasn't ready to talk about it. So again, for Lena's sake, Kara turned away.

"There's nothing to talk about Lena." Kara retorted, doing a damn good job at keeping her voice steady because damn it, she was over this. Stupid memory master.

"There's a lot to talk about. Like how the memories he's making you relive are ours."

"Stop it, Lena."

"I'm right. Kara, this is tearing you up. Just talk to me, I'm still your friend, I never stopped. You just stopped being around."

"Rao…" Kara muttered, rubbing at her forehead

When had their roles changed so drastically. Out of the two Lena had always the been the one to come off as emotionless and robotic. She wasn't, far from it in fact and anyone who truly got to know her would learn very quickly about the incredible heart she kept hidden behind all the pain from her life. Supergirl was the inspiration, the cheerful one. Even at her darkest Kara had always been Kara. There used to be a light that seemed inextinguishable, but the last few years had beaten the light out of her. Lena still saw it in Kara, but the embers were fading fast, and her and Kara may not have spoken in years but Kara would always be her friend. She was terrified that this Memory Master villain would be the nail in the coffin that turned Kara into some heartless hero.

Kara wasn't the only one riddled with guilt, Lena felt it just as badly as the Kryptonian. She wasn't innocent in this whole affair, no. None of them were. All of Kara's friends had respect her wishes. It was easy for them to tell themselves that they were doing the right thing by giving Kara space, giving her time to figure out her feelings. Days, sure. Weeks, maybe. Months, that was getting a little out of hand. They'd let her do her thing for years, and Kara was barely functioning anymore. She was barely social. They had done this, the people who cared for Kara most had allowed her to turn herself into this shell of her former self, so it was time to push back a little.

"This isn't you." Lena reached for Kara's hand as she said those words.

There was a moment where Lena thought Kara would let her in. It would be something small but it would be a start at least. If she could just get through that hard shell Kara had built maybe she could work on tearing it down. Kara had that moment too, the moment where she saw Lena's hand reach for hers and thought that maybe she could let Lena in. Maybe it would help, maybe this could be the beginning of fixed her. Then she had an image of crushing Lena's hand in her own and recoiled, pulling her hand away.

"Rao!" Kara cried as she stood, chair falling behind her. "What do you want from me Lena? Do you still not get it? You ask me if I'm ready to talk about stuff but you haven't changed at all! Do you not realize I could crush your hand without meaning to!? I could squeeze too hard and crush it, then in my shock pull back while you're still holding on and rip your freaking arm right out of its socket! Rao, if I pull back too hard I might pull the whole damn thing off! Is that what you want!? Are you suicidal!?"

Neither woman was sure where that had come from, but it was said and it could no longer be taken back. The words hung in the air between the former friends, the former lovers. It was the most honest thing Kara had said in years. Years of things she had repressed were bubbling to the surface with the force of an angry volcano and there would be no stopping this eruption. That was the thing with repressing things, it always found a way out. Like violently shaking a soda, popping the cap and trying to put it back on. The bottle would crack and eventually shatter thus leaving a mess everywhere. There was about to be a mess. Kara's hand was on Alex's desk faster than Lena's eyes could track, and she flipped it without much effort. It spun multiple times in the air before clattering against the wall and the wood holding the thing together splintered and left nothing but kindling on the floor.

"See that? You know anyone else who can do that to solid wood?" Kara screamed. She felt like her points hadn't quite been made though, so she moved to the pile formerly known as Alex's desk, not knowing a crowd was beginning to gather outside of Alex's office to watch the show. Kara sent her fist through the wall with ease, like a wrecking ball tearing a building apart. "Solid concrete, Lena! I didn't even slow down! So you think your bones can handle that!?" and even in her rage fueled haze Kara could hear the hushed whispers behind her, like screams. They'd all come to see the monster lose its cool.

Lena had not flinched once during Kara's little outburst. Her eyes had widened slightly but not once had she been afraid for her safety. She looked from Alex's desk, the hole in the wall and back to Kara. She walked past Kara then, without a word, and shut the door to Alex's office. She spun to face Kara again after, and calm as could be quirked a brow towards the blonde powerhouse.

"Are you done with your tantrum now?" Lena asked.

"You're still not getting it."

"You won't hurt me."

"I could."

Lena sighed "You're pissed off because I'm not scared. I can pretend if you'd like, is that what will make you feel better? Do you want me to treat you like you're some terrifying monster? I can do that, Kara. It'd be a lie but if it'll make you feel better I'll pretend.

"I don't want you to pretend."

"Then what do you want?"

_You!_  "I want you to acknowledge that I'm dangerous, Lena. I want you to stop acting like I can't break you in half."  _I want you to tell me you miss me._  "I want you to be safe!"  _I want you to run to me and kiss me._  "For Rao's sake, Lena, I want you to not trust me so freaking much because I don't trust myself!"  _I want to trust myself enough to hold you without worrying that I'm going to leave you paralyzed!_

"I just want you to smile. Just once. Do you even remember what it's like to smile? I want you to care about something again, Kara. I want you to be yourself again. You can fool yourself all you want but you're not going to fool me. You're not fooling Alex or Brainy, not J'onn. You're not fooling your cousin or Lois and you wouldn't be fooling Winn if he were here either."

"Just stop. Please…"

"You. Are not. Dangerous. I know you Kara. I trust you."

"If you knew me so well you wouldn't say I don't care!" Kara was screaming again, because those words had cut her deep. "I care!" she screamed again. There was a mess, just like she knew there would be. The bottle had broken and she couldn't stop the contents from spilling anymore. "I care! I care! I care! I care! I care!" she just kept screaming it over and over again, like saying it repeatedly would make Lena finally believe it. Kara never even noticed when she fell to her knees, she didn't realize she'd started punching the ground over and over again until the floor caved in. She didn't realize she was flying, nor did she notice when her fists stopped connecting with anything and she was left punching down into nothing but air.

Lena never even hesitated. She hopped over chunks of floor, and knelt in front of the hole Kara had created. "Kara!" she cried out desperately. She hadn't been phased by Kara's earlier tantrum, but this time she was scared. Not for her safety but for Kara. "Kara, I believe you! I know you care! I know, it's okay. Please, just, let's talk."

The blonde lifted her gaze from the floor and opened her eyes. They were shimmering with tears that she blinked away as quickly as she could. "I care. I care so much, I'm so scared. I'm scared all the time that I'm going to hurt someone, break something they care about. I was scared with James, I was worried with Mon-El…" It was a very well kept secret that even with Mon-El their relationship had been less physical than it seemed. They'd done… Things, but even with Mon-El's enhanced strength he was far from on Kara's level. For whatever reason her power eclipsed even her cousin's, and even with Mon-El she'd been afraid of breaking him. "With you I was terrified! You don't understand what it's like to let go for one second to enjoy a kiss then regret it because you broke her bones! You don't know what it's like to be so, so happy but terrified at the same time. You don't know what it's like to have to fly the person you love to the hospital because while you were sleeping you kicked her so hard that she almost died and needed surgery!"

"You never meant to hurt me. I never meant to hurt you either, Kara. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but these outbursts you're having today are probably helping you a lot. You need to feel something."

"When I feel people get hurt." she retorted, floating a bit higher up before landing herself on the opposite side of the hole, out of Lena's reach. How fitting. Then Kara felt a familiar headache coming on. "No, come on, please not right now." she'd barely finished uttering the words when she fell limp to the floor without warning.

"Kara!" It was the last thing she heard, first her name then what sounded like Lena jumping over to her side of the room to catch her before she hit the ground. The thought might have made Kara laugh if she were conscious enough to. She didn't need to be caught, after all. If anything the floor needed protection from her.


	3. A Day In The Life Of A Perfect Couple (What I Lost)

Chapter 3: A Day In The Life Of A Perfect Couple (What I Lost)

Kara's experience dating was a little lacking, her previous nothing to brag about. Her first kiss had broken the boy's jaw by mistake. The other dates she'd gone on had been nothing short of dull leading into adulthood. She had crushed on James for a long while but that had fizzled out as quickly as it had started. Mon-El was by far her longest relationship but she felt that had an unfair advantage because he was also an alien. They'd been capable of kissing without too much drama but when they had attempted intercourse it had gotten a little complicated. Finding it to be a lost cause they had never attempted it again. In summary Kara's dating history sucked and she was a virgin because of her powers.

The point to be made was that her dating experience was limited, but even if it wasn't she was pretty sure nothing could rival the way things had been progressing with Lena. Slowly, yes, but surely. Drama was at a minimum. They got enough time together, both were comfortable around the other. Dates were plentiful and fun. They hadn't gotten physical yet (not beyond some heavy kissing with tongue and a few butt grabs here and there) but neither felt pressured to take that next step. Kara never felt pressured on anything and Lena always understood. After their first kiss, a couple months ago, Kara had even taken extra care around Lena. Sometimes her happiness bubbled over in the form of broken furniture, or walls, or glasses or… many other things. She couldn't be bothered to care so long as it wasn't Lena herself that got broken.

Kara had experienced some of the best feelings in the world since she'd started dating Lena and everyone had been so supportive of them. So much good natured teasing was thrown at them it was impossible to avoid, even with super speed. Their relationship was a closely guarded secret. It was a small price to pay for what they had, for the feeling when they kissed. The way her heart skipped a beat when her phone dinged with Lena's chime and for the endless potstickers Lena insisted on bringing over to her place all the time. None of those compared to waking up beside Lena, though. Just because they weren't sexually active didn't mean they couldn't sleep together!

The sun was filtering through the tiny cracks between where the drapes came together and warmed Kara's face. She groaned as she began to wake, rolling so she wasn't facing the window anymore. Rao, Kara would kill for a few more hours of sleep and in reality there was nothing preventing her from sleeping for a few extra hours. It was a Sunday, no work and she doubted she would have very much to do before her dinner plans later in the evening. The two ladies would undoubtedly pick up a bottle of wine on their way to Metropolis and possibly something for little John. Kara hadn't even opened her eyes yet but the distinct typing from beside her piqued her curiosity and she finally sat up, glancing towards Lena. She never even turned towards Kara but the smile that formed on her mouth told Kara she was happy to see the blonde awake.

"Morning, sleepyhead."

"Even Supergirl needs to rest sometime, you know."

"Right, I think I've heard that. Faster than a speeding bullet. Stronger than a locomotive. Capable of leaping tall buildings in a single bound! Able to sleep in late and be super lazy!"

Lena's voice grew higher and higher as she listed each thing, finding great difficulty in keeping herself from smiling. When Kara leaned her head on Lena's shoulder she couldn't withhold it anymore. She blew air from the side of her mouth, pushing loose strands of blonde out of Kara's face, still sporting that oh-so-sexy bedhead Lena was fond of. She even looked away from her screen for a moment to press a kiss to her superheroine's cheek.

"That's what they say about my cousin, you must have us confused." Kara chirped after the soft peck to her cheek, simpering.

"Mmmn," Lena hummed "Right, I forgot he's the pretty one."

"Hey!" Kara scoffed, pretending as though Lena had made some huge gaffe and terribly insulted her. She gave a playful, light smack to Lena's shoulder. Kara's girlfriend yelped slightly and rubbed at her shoulder, finally facing the blonde powerhouse, still smiling.

"Ouch! I think that's going to bruise." she teased lightly, though to both of their surprise it did look like there might be a mark left and Kara's frown had Lena doing damage control right away. She still hadn't forgotten what had happened the night of their first kiss, or how scared Kara had been to hurt her again. "I'm fine, darling. It's nothing. You worry too much." and before Kara could protest she captured, literally, Kara's lips with her own. She clamped her mouth on Kara's for a kiss that was on the wetter and sillier side of smooching. By the time she pulled away both had already forgotten what had happened, laughing together, not knowing both found the other's laugh to be one of the prettiest sounds ever produced.

"Fine, but be good otherwise I'll beat you up for real." Kara replied, and Lena knew all was well because if Kara was truly upset she wouldn't be joking about it. "What are you working on so early, anyway?"

"Early? It's almost ten!" she said, as though the very thought of waking up so late were ghastly, earning her a glare from the blue eyed beauty beside her. "But if you must know it's just some L-corp stuff. Nothing specific; replying to emails, setting meetings and making sure no one will bother us tonight."

"Nervous?"

"Kind of. Actually, yes, I am. This is a big deal."

"Not really, you're overthinking it." Kara was definitely lying.

"It is. Kara, I'm meeting your cousin officially. As your girlfriend. I'm a Luthor, and he's Superman and I'm going to know his secret identity. I'm going to meet his family, I'm going to know where he lives. Kara, that's dangerous information to have. I don't know how you even got him to agree to any of this."

"Easy!" the blonde ball of sunshine replied, heart beating out of her chest. Suddenly she was worried Lena would back out. She shut the lid to Lena's laptop, wincing as her hand went through it. "Oops," she said, giving Lena her most apologetic look. "Good thing my girlfriend's a billionaire…?" she attempted, tossing the now useless hunk of electronics to the floor. She climbed into Lena's lap and straddled her, carefully of course, before hanging her arms around Lena's shoulder, linking them behind her neck. "You want to know what I told Clark?"

"Kent!?" the laptop was forgotten with Superman's name exposed.

"Mmhm." Kara hummed, she knew Lena would need a minute or two to process that new little tidbit of information. She'd contemplate it, remember when she'd met Clark. Then she would picture him without glasses and wearing a big 'S' on his chest. Then, on cue, Lena's face lit up with recognition.

"Motherfucker!"

"Breathe it in, love. Everyone who finds out goes through this."

There were a few seconds before Lena began laughing. That laughing turned into a hysterical fit and soon enough the Luthor was straight up cackling as though she were some evil villainess. Her arms snaked around Kara's waist and linked there, not unlike Kara's around her shoulders, and her face looked different, silly and forced. "I knew you'd spill eventually!"

"Huh?"

"After all these months you've finally given me what I've been after, Supergirl!"

"Uhhh…"

"I've been waiting forever for you to reveal Superman's name, and now with both of your secrets revealed I can finally finish the work my brother set out to do all those years ago!" she was almost screaming, before she cackled again.

Kara's eyes widened as Lena professed her plan complete and before Lena could blink Kara was off of her and standing at the foot of her bed. There was no hiding the distraught look on her face, in fact she looked completely devastated. The beautiful blue eyes that had held such joy just moments before darkened to a noticeably darker shade of blue, bordering on red perhaps, and she looked down at her feet. Lena realized her mistake.

"Kara, I'm kidding."

"Promise?"

Kara's voice actually cracked, and Lena was up with surprising speed for a human. It was no Kryptonian speed,but still. There was no time to put on a shirt or pants so a bra and panties were just fine as she approached Kara, almost flying herself. She threw her arms around the Kryptonian and shushed softly, kissing the side of Kara's head. Kara fell easily into the embrace, resting her forehead on Lena's shoulder. She began to shake as her body rocked with silent sobs. Or so it seemed. Soon enough the silent sobs turned into loud laughter, and Lena was the one left confused.

"Huh?" Lena mimicked Kara from just a few minutes ago.

"You're too pretty to be evil." Kara giggled, stepping back just far enough so that Lena had to leave her arms extended to keep them on the blonde's waist. "I don't think you're patient enough to pull a plan like that off, either."

Lena just stared in bewilderment. When she finally recovered enough to say something, she opted to smack Kara. First, on the shoulder. Unlike her girlfriend she slapped as hard as she could for effect, knowing she wouldn't even feel it. "You little brat!"

"You love me."

"I love you."

Time stopped, as both realized what Lena had just said. Not only had neither of them dropped the L-bomb before but it had been an unspoken assumption between the two of them that Kara would be the first to say it. Not that Lena wouldn't feel it, by any means, but she played it far safer with her feelings and had a far more difficult time expressing those things. Hell, there was even a pool going around the D.E.O on who would say it first and Kara had apparently just lost fifty dollars. Their eyes were locked onto each others, each waiting to see what Kara would say, if Lena would suddenly take it back and regret having said it. The latter didn't happen, which made it clear the next move was Kara's and there was really only one correct, honest response.

"I love you too."

"Promise?" again, mimicking Kara.

There was, again, only one proper response and Kara opted for it again. She inched forward, slowly because she had no intention of ruining the moment. Her lips were soft as she pressed them to Lena's, feather light as the brushed over her girlfriend's. She puckered, and kissed. Multiple times, in fact. Lena returned each kiss and when they'd finished Kara finally nodded in response. Then they both cleared their throats.

"You'd better shower." Lena whispered.

"I'd better shower."

"You stink."

"I stin- hey!" they both giggled, but Kara moved past Lena towards the bathroom despite her comment. Lena wasn't wrong, she did have to shower. Perhaps they'd go get an early lunch and just pick something up for Clark's dinner tonight earlier rather than later. It would leave time to spend with Lena before they had to leave.

"You'd better hurry up in there or I'll have to join you!" Lena called out just as Kara finished shutting the door behind her.

"Ha!"

Life was good.

/

"What the hell happened!?" Alex exclaimed as she returned to her office to find Lena on the floor, clutching Kara. She took a moment to look around and assess the damage and only one thing came to mind "Did she have some kind of seizure and break everything?"

"No, she broke the stuff before she collapsed. We… Argued."

"And she took it out on my furniture?"

"It was a rough argument," Lena replied, with no small amount of bitterness in her voice. It wasn't directed at Kara. She wasn't upset at Kara, not about any of this at any rate. "The last thing she said before passing out was something about not right now. I think she's experiencing another memory."

"That's not good."

"No, and I found out what the memories are."

"What?"

"They're us. The memories Memory Master is making her reliving are the memories of our relationship."

"Fuck."

It was true that it wasn't ideal, those memories still haunted Kara, the good and bad ones both. Everyone knew what happened with Lena was why Kara had shut down and completely changed her attitude. Alex was suddenly worried that if Kara was being forced to try and deal with this stuff before she was ready then she may never properly recover. Finding Memory Master was suddenly more urgent than ever. Only one thing was more important than finding the sneaky little bastard who'd messed with her little sister's mind.

"I want everyone looking for the kid that Kara described. Drop whatever you're doing and make it your highest priority." Alex was speaking into an earpiece and since she hadn't directed the command at any specific agent they all knew she was talking to everyone. Helping Kara was their new directive for the day and they would do so. Not just because it was an order, but because most of them looked up to Kara or considered her a friend. Most even missed having her around the D.E.O. "I want the medbay ready, Lena and I are going to move her there right now. I don't think this is fatal but I want a doctor on standby just in case. Let's also maybe have something for her when she wakes up. She might be a little bit grumpy."

It didn't take long to move her into the medbay and get her setup There was nothing else they could do other than wait for Kara to wake up. That was the worst part for Alex, knowing her sister was hurting and not being able to do anything about it. The worst part was that it was something she'd gotten more than used to over the last few years. She'd been watching Kara destroy herself for years and had stood idly by, a bystander while Kara as hurting. She should have helped, should have pushed. She should have done something. Alex wasn't going to stand idly by this time. She was going to be the big sister and find Memory Master and make him stop this game.

Lena was obviously just as worried, and the scene was heartwarming, truly. Lena had pulled up a chair by Kara's side and taken her hand in between both of her own. She was squeezing it as tightly as she could, hoping that Kara would feel it throughout whatever memory she was reliving whether it be one of the happy ones or one of the sad ones. There was also something she desperately wanted Kara to remember. She leaned down and brought her mouth dangerously close to Kara's ear.

"No matter what you're remembering, no matter how much it hurts nothing will take away from the truth. The truth is that we loved each other. We loved each other, that never changed." It was all whispered but Alex heard it anyway. She was polite enough to act like she hadn't, though. "Don't forget."

All they could do was wait.

/

"We're not flying, Kara." Lena replied. Kara had been pushing the idea of flying to Metropolis for the last few hours now, and Lena hadn't changed her mind, nor was she going to. It didn't stop Kara from trying though, that was for sure.

"It'll be so fast!"

"And mess up my hair and everything. I want to make a good impression."

"Clark doesn't care what you look like. If he does we're about to have a very different problem. "

"Don't you think you've teased me enough for one day?"

"Never."

The rest of their morning had been well spent. They'd taken turns showering and even though they were planning on having lunch they had a quick breakfast of toast and juice. There'd been plenty of kisses, and teasing. More reassurances, and finally with their final preparations complete they had headed out to lunch. It ended too quickly for either of their tastes, despite the fact that they'd spent at least a couple hours there. It was already into the afternoon when they'd left the restaurant to head towards the liquor store. Since Kara had gotten out of the shower though, she'd been incessant on flying to Metropolis.

"Now that we're driving if we don't leave really soon we're going to be late." Kara whined.

"Sounds like we better pick a wine out fast."

Kara simply groaned and followed Lena into the store. Kara wasn't a huge wine connoisseur but she knew Clark didn't care about how expensive the bottle was. Lena had offered to bring something from her own personal collection but Kara was worried that it wouldn't give the right impression and she was so desperate for tonight to go well. If it did it would set to rest once and for all the whole 'I'm a Luthor, you're a Super' debate. It wasn't really so much a debate as it was Kara constantly telling Lena her last name didn't matter and Lena arguing that her brother had tried to kill Kara's cousin. Okay. So their families history was a little messed up, that didn't mean it needed to affect them.

A friendly gentleman was helping them pick out a wine, all while pretending he didn't know who Lena Luthor was. He was doing a pretty good job at not gushing, which was funny since judging by how twitchy he had become Lena was probably the most famous person he'd ever met. Geez, if only he knew who Kara truly was. It was kind of fun though, pretending to be nothing but a friend to Lena as she explained she needed a bottle of wine to impress someone who didn't really care about wine, and didn't usually get drunk. Having to call her 'Miss Luthor' like an employee was kind of nostalgic too. Then the sirens were loud and rushing past the store, and Kara excused herself for a moment.

A fire, because of course a fire was happening. When she returned she obviously smelled like smoke, but still the gentleman was polite. Not two minutes later she heard a bank being robbed and had to excuse herself again. Her glasses were crooked when she returned. The third time, curse her luck, was a car accident and she helped a family out before the damn thing exploded. She was back the third time just in time to see Lena paying the gentleman. As she saw Kara approach Lena was speaking in a loud whisper to the gentleman behind the till.

"She has some issues." Lena was grinning from ear to ear, but she paid and made her way outside with Kara. "Alright, we really need to go if we're going to make it in time."

Then Lena heard the sirens, there was clearly something wrong with the city and it had to be on the day she was supposed to meet her girlfriend's family of all days. Kara was giving her the biggest pout, and the biggest puppy dog eyes and almost hopping from foot to foot. Lena had no choice but to relent.

"Fine. Go save the people, we'll fly."

/

"I'll text Clark to confirm we'll be on time."

Lena and Alex both turned towards Kara, then to each other. They both stayed completely silent both expecting and hoping that perhaps Kara would say something else to maybe give them some kind of clue into how to wake her up. Lena knew instantly what she was remembering, and though Alex hadn't been there it wasn't particularly hard to figure out what Kara was remembering. Reliving, if her earlier description were to be believed. She had no reason to lie, though.

"Was it a good day?" Alex asked.

"The absolute best…"

/

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Kent." Lena extended a hand as she spoke, and Clark took it firmly in his hand as he shook. Lois stood behind him, peeking out towards Lena and Kara. And behind her, peeking out from behind her hips was a young boy who couldn't be any older than ten years old. His face lit up at seeing Kara though and he opened his mouth to say something but Lois raised one of her own in front of him to silence him. Then everyone was focused on Lena and Clark. "That's quite a grip you have there." Lena was doing her best not to grin.

"She told you." he shot a glance towards his cousin, who bashfully turned away.

"In her defense, she tried really hard not to."

"Not hard enough."

Things were tense all of a sudden, it was a clash of two very different powers. Clark may have had all the physical strength in the world but even his Kryptonian might couldn't compare the Lena's more powerful personality. She knew who he was, knew his history with her brother and knew he wasn't a huge fan of her knowing it yet. That didn't stop her from staring him right in the eye and refusing to let go of his hand. She gripped that much harder just because she knew he could take it. Neither smiled, neither let go for what seemed like an eternity and Kara was truthfully getting slightly nervous. Clark was the first to break the tense shake and his passive face shifted to a smile, blue eyes glinting with amusement.

"Won't you please come in miss…" he paused, as though he were searching for a name "Luthor was it?"

This brought a smile to Lena's face too and Kara just sighed in relief as Clark turned his attention to her. They were quick to fall into a hug and Kara enjoyed it to its fullest because it was rare that she was able to hug someone where she didn't have to hold back. Lena and Lois seemed to be getting along, at least from what she could see. The urge to use her super hearing was strong, but she resisted. When she pulled away from Clark she was tackled and stumbled back.

"Auntie Kara!"

Kara laughed at the high pitched voice coming from her nephew. She picked him up by the hips, spun him around a couple of times and then deposited him back to the ground. She did that whole thing where she pretended to be sizing him up, then wrinkled her face.

" _Still short,_ " she replied in flawless Kryptonian. " _Have you been keeping up with your Kryptonian Language studies?_ "

" _Yes, auntie Kara._ " John replied, but there was no hiding the pure boredom in his voice. He seemed to realize it too because he was quick to add " _It's not that I don't like Kryptonian, or learning about it but I can't talk about any it to any of my friends._ "

"Well, you can always talk about it with me." Kara retorted, switching back to English and tussling his hair lightly which brought a huge smile to his face.

Clark's identity had become even more secret the moment he'd found out that Lois was pregnant. It was one thing if people found out about Lois and him but all of a sudden they were responsible for a child of their own. John wasn't ready, nor did he deserve, to be exposed to what came with his father being outed as Superman. Clark was more protective of John than anything else in his life and he did his best to instill the same values into John that the Kents had taught him. He'd hesitated in telling Kara even, whom he'd thought might have been too young to keep the secret but in the end, she was family. Having someone else learn that Superman had a kid, a Luthor to top it all off, it was not his first choice. Telling a Luthor about John wouldn't have even made the list. Her and Kara were getting rather serious though and she wanted Lena to finally, truly be a part of her life. To meet her family, not just her adoptive family and that included Clark. He was taking a huge risk but Kara wasn't worried.

Glancing up made it apparent Lena and Lois truly were hitting it off. Kara figured this out by the fact that they'd opened the wine and were already enjoying it, exchanging Rao knows what and laughing. Kara had been cocky, overconfident even, that her family would like Lena and so far things were going swimmingly. By the end of the night they'd all be one, big happy family. She moved past John and Clark and they followed behind her after shutting the door. She approached Lena and Lois while making sure to remind herself to keep her feet on the ground lest she float away from happiness. She linked an arm with Lena's and leaned against her girlfriend, giving Lois a large grin.

"Lois, it's so nice to see you again!" Kara exclaimed. There was a swell of satisfaction that came with Lena pulling her in closer, too. Kara had never made it far enough to introduce someone to her family like this and was finding immense pride in it.

"You don't make it out to Metropolis enough, Kara." Lois scolded.

"My jobs keep me super busy," Kara glanced towards Clark "I have a feeling you know how that is though."

"Of course."

It was funny because right at that moment Lois glanced towards her husband and there was something hidden in that look. It wasn't just love, there was something beyond love in the way she looked at Clark right then. It was like pure adoration and even the air around Lois seemed to change as she seemed to settle into whatever headspace was coming to her as Clark approached them, now carrying John on his shoulders. She linked an arm with Clark's, mimicking Kara and Lena's pose. It was a moment Kara would never forget, not for as long as she lived. It was while looking at Clark and his little family, at the bond he'd forged with someone of Earth that Kara realized she wanted the same thing. She'd always wanted the same thing, someone to share her life with. She'd been lonely for a long time. Not completely lonely, not unhappy. She had friends, she had Clark, she had Alex and her life as Supergirl and the D.E.O but she didn't have someone special to share it with, no one she could truly, fully be herself with and around. Or she hadn't before. Lena was that person, the connection they shared unique. More than any crush, more than James or Mon-El, Lena understood her. That was quite a feat too, since for comparison Mon-El had been an Alien like her.

Kara couldn't have asked for a more perfect night. If she were allowed one complaint it was that maybe she and Lena wouldn't have brought wine if she had known that Lois was serving tacos. It wasn't like tacos were bad, in fact, they were delicious but she felt like wine didn't pair very well with tacos. Then again, what did she really know about it? It also raised questions as to why she was even thinking about any of that while having the most perfect night of her life.

It felt good to catch up with her family, it truly had been too long. Dinner conversation was kept light with no talk of superheroics. Clark and Lois had so many questions for Lena that ranged from things regarding her personal life to more general things like her job and such. Kara on her end spoke of what she'd been up to at CatCo mostly because even if they weren't mostly avoiding the subject, as an unspoken rule for the evening, she didn't really feel like talking about Supergirl anyway. Lois spoke about the book she was currently writing and the stories she was working on for the planet and Clark just kept insisting he was going to spend the summer with John at the old Kent farm, teaching John how to run it. It felt so normal.

"Is Lena your girlfriend, Auntie Kara?" John suddenly asked, seemingly from out of nowhere.

Clark and Lois both turned their attention to Kara, opting to give her a chance to answer instead of doing it for her. Kara didn't hesitate, she just replied with what came naturally to her which was of course "Yes," she answered "she is. If you don't like her though, tell me. I'll dump her right here and now."

"No! I think it's really cool you have a girlfriend. I was just hoping I'd get to see her again."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem, little man." Kara said and from under the table, Lena squeezed Kara's hand.

When everyone had finished eating they all gathered in the living room for a game, leaving the dishes for a little later. They wanted to get a game of Monopoly in before John went to bed; he'd been looking forward to it all night. It came as no surprise to Kara when Lena won and after their game, it was already past John's bedtime. He hugged everyone good night, including Lena and with him gone it was time for the adults to catch up.

Lena was left with Clark in the living room while Kara went with Lois to help her clean up. They carried the dishes towards the sink and once they were all stacked they worked out a very efficient system where Lois would rinse them off and Kara would place them in the dishwasher. It also left plenty of time to chat while they worked.

"You know, I could have this done in a second right?" Kara asked.

"I know, but Clark always says that if you use your powers for mundane tasks, then doing them at all loses all meaning. I'd like to believe there's some truth to that."

"That's so like Clark…" Kara responded in a mere whisper even though a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I'm sorry I don't come by as much as I should and thank you so much for letting me bring Lena tonight. I know it probably wasn't easy for you guys to agree, knowing who her brother is and all. She's a really good person."

Lois just laughed in response. "It was a lot easier than you might think. You know, when Clark first told me I was a little hesitant. If it wasn't for John I probably would have agreed right away but Clark convinced me."

"Clark… Convinced you?"

"It's not that crazy." Lois accused, "Who would he be if he judged Lena based on the actions of her brother? He's nothing if not open-minded, even when it comes to bringing a Luthor into our home." Lois seemed eager to change the subject, perhaps she'd been waiting to all night in fact. "You always look away when she looks at you, did you know that?"

Kara adjusted her glasses, and suddenly was feeling rather flustered. "I don't."

"You do." Lois laughed again, "Your eyes meet, you bite your lip, blush and look away. You try to act like nothing happened but everyone notices it."

Kara coughed, glad Lena didn't have super hearing. "Do you, uh, have a point?" she asked.

"Yeah. My point is, miss Danvers, that you're so busy making sure you look away from her that you miss how she looks at you." there was only a brief pause. "That woman is helplessly in love with you, Kara. I thought I'd let you know, in case you had any doubts."

This made Kara pause and glance towards the living room. Clark and Lena had vanished but a quick scan with her X-ray vision showed them on the balcony outside. Clark wasn't dangling her off the balcony and Lena wasn't plunging a Kryptonite knife through his chest. That meant things were probably going well. "I love her too." she finally responded, as if Lois hadn't just basically said as much. "It's so hard sometimes though. She's so fragile. I don't know how Clark does it, I'm always so worried I'm going to break her. She says hi and I break out giggling. One time she sent me a text telling me she missed me and I got so excited I crushed my phone. During our first kiss, I pulled her arm out of its socket." Kara knew Lois well enough, but not well enough that she knew when to stop talking. That was why she hoped what she was about to say next wasn't pushing things too far. "I'm too scared to even be intimate with her, I don't want to hurt her."

Lois could see where Kara was going, and to save her from embarrassment she took ahold of the conversation. "It took some work at first, but we figured it out. Half of it is believing you won't hurt her Kara, that's what Clark always said to me. I know he sort of has an advantage here considering the specifics of how it all works but you need to believe in yourself. It'll be alright, you know?"

"I'd like to think so, I'd just never be able to forgive myself." she frowned, then. "What do you think they're talking about out there?"

"Clark said he was going to make sure that she knew he doesn't judge her for anything her brother did. Also that she's doing a really incredible job with L-corp, he's really impressed with everything Lena has accomplished." Lois grinned, "Also that she better not hurt his cousin."

Kara was never privy to what Lena and Clark had talked about out on that balcony but it didn't really matter. When they came back in both were laughing and still seemed in a good mood so Kara didn't feel the need to pry. The important thing was that Lena had had a wonderful time. Flying home had taken only minutes, with Lena finally admitting she was glad they flew because she would not have been able to drive. They were getting ready for bed when Lena wrapped her arms around Kara from behind.

"Your cousin has a perfect family." she whispered into the blonde's ear.

"Mmm, I think so too. He's a great father, John is such a well behaved little boy. So good with his powers too." Kara hummed contently, leaning back to rest her meager weight against Lena's frame. "Did you have fun?"

"Tons. I'm a little jealous. Growing up I wish my family had been like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's so supportive. We never did family dinners, not like that at least. Things were always so tense and everything turned into a contest. I've been scared for a long time of turning out like them. I don't want to be just another Luthor."

"You won't be Lena. You're good inside." Kara muttered back, sleepily. She was trying to fight sleep off, she really was but it was so hard while wrapped up in Lena's arms.

"Thank you so much for saying that."

"Mmn…"

"You're already falling asleep aren't you?" Lena asked as she carried Kara to bed. She threw the Kryptonian down onto the bed and Kara jolted up with a playful glare.

"So mean!" Kara whined and crawled back towards Lena to kiss her.

/

This time Kara knew when the dream was coming to an end, then she had to remind herself that it wasn't a dream but a memory. It was like being wrapped in the tightest, safest and warmest blanket only to be violently yanked from it and left in the cold, naked and afraid. She could feel it, Kara felt the cold as it approached and the warmth she felt as she'd kissed Lena was snatched away like all the air and happiness and warmth were sucked out of the room. She screamed as loudly as she could while the Lena of her memories evaporated into a thick, black smoke. She grabbed at it but it slipped through her fingers leaving her to scream as she lost everything once again.

When Kara opened her eyes she was still screaming. Alex and Lena looked horrified, though in Lena's case she also seemed to be in pain. It took a few moments for Kara to get a hold of herself and she sat up quickly. She looked around to confirm she was truly awake away before slumping down and using a hand to hide her face. She could feel tears coming but she blinked to keep them at bay, refusing to allow herself to cry despite the distress she felt. She'd thought losing Lena the first time had been bad enough, now to be reliving it almost felt worse. She'd fought hard to push feelings down into the well she'd built within her heart. It wasn't always easy to keep the lid on but while reliving those memories it became literally impossible. When she was in that memory world it wasn't just like watching it from the sidelines, she was truly reliving it. She felt everything, remembered each little detail. Funny how such happy memories kept dragging her to hell.

She was only vaguely aware of people asking her if she was fine, so she decided to finally respond. "I'm fine!" she snapped, already annoyed even though she'd only just woken up.

"We were worried about you," Lena said. "You collapsed and I didn't know when you were going to wake up. Alex and I brought you here and we've been waiting ever since."

Kara frowned. "What is it? There's something else, I can tell. Just tell me."

"No," Lena responded. She wasn't denying that something was wrong, she just didn't want to tell Kara what it was because she knew how her former lover would react. "You'll blame yourself for something you had no control over."

Kara didn't feel so much like crying anymore. She narrowed her eyes, looked towards Alex who was very obviously trying to stay out of it, then turned her focus back to Lena. "What. Did. I. Do?"

Lena slowly raised her hand, the one she'd been using to hold Kara's hand while she was unconscious and the problem became apparent right away. All four of her fingers were puffy and red, crooked almost. "Kara, you weren't even awake. It's no-"

"Don't. Just don't, okay?" the blonde replied as she flung the blanket off of herself. Sitting on the edge of the bed she desperately ran a finger through her blonde locks, the urge to sob quickly coming back. She still refused to cry in front of Lena and Alex so instead, she did the next best thing. She screamed. She screamed until she couldn't anymore until she'd given herself a headache and her throat burned from the effort. When she couldn't bring herself to scream anymore she placed a hand under the metal framing of the bed and flipped it back. She wasn't completely out of her mind, she'd kept track of where Lena and Alex were. The bed, which had formerly been bolted to the ground, took chunks of building with it as it flipped above Lena's head and went through the glass surrounding the medbay.

"Kara, it's just a few broken fingers, I'm fine!"

"Stop it! For Rao's sake, stop it, Lena! Stop!" Kara spun on her heels to face Lena who was backing away to join Alex. The elder Danvers had never seen Kara so upset, not even upon finding out her planet had blown up. "You don't get it, you don't fucking get it!" Kara had never been really known to curse, either.

"Then tell me, take a deep breath and tell me, Kara."

"Why?" she retorted and there was no longer any holding back the bitterness in her voice. "What do you want me to tell you, Lena? You want me to play this twisted, cosmic game? Fine!" Kara kicked at something nearby, she wasn't sure what it was but it had looked expensive. It went through several walls and landed on the streets below and this time it was pure chance that nobody was hurt. "Do you want me to  _say_  it? To say that I miss you? Because I do. Do you want me to tell you I hate myself for what happened? Because I do. That I worked so hard to pretend every single day that I'm not in love with you anymore, is that what you want to hear, Lena?" Kara was screaming again, walking towards her ex and her sister.

"None of that is-"

"One second you're telling me you love me, and we're having dinner with Clark and we're kissing. Rao, we're kissing and it feels so good! It feels so fucking good and everything is right! I'm reminded what your lips feel like against mine, and I'm reminded what it feels like to be loved and be in love and to have everything I've ever fucking wanted and then I open my eyes and I'm losing you all over again! My heart breaks again! I break again! I break because I can't not break you!"

"Kara-" Lena tried again.

"I know it's pathetic, okay? I know it's pathetic that I'm not over you and I'm sorry I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend who can't get over you. I'm sorry that I'm an alien from another planet who can't control her powers. I'm sorry that I still fly by L-Corp sometimes just to listen to your heartbeat because making sure you're okay is the only way I'm able to live with myself after nearly killing you, and I am so, so sorry that I hurt you." That wasn't even everything Kara wanted to say, just a small fraction that had been festering inside of her like an infected wound. She noticed Lena's fingers again. "I'm s-so sorry." she whimpered out, voice breaking. After all the work she'd put into never being able to hurt Lena again and after only a few short hours she'd already managed to destroy one of her hands. The damage to Kara was already done.

No one had really known how Kara truly felt but there certainly wouldn't be any more guesswork on that front. Neither Lena, nor Alex, even suspected the damage that Kara had done to herself emotionally over the last few years. Neither knew the guilt she'd been living with or how she'd been pushing everything inside.

Kara collapsed to her knees and she whimpered again. "I'm so fucking sorry," she whispered pathetically as she pressed her forehead against the cool ground and finally let herself cry.


	4. You're Okay

"Not doing so well, are you?"

Kara recognized that voice immediately. Kara had gotten angry in the past, had spent the better part of the last few years pushing that anger inside of herself regardless of the damage it was doing to her. She'd felt the rage of losing loved ones and the pain of losing friends but never had it burned with as much intensity as it did when she recognized the voice of the brat who'd done this to her. Kara was the only one who'd met him so far but Lena and Alex were fairly certain of his identity. Even if they hadn't been certain the downright murderous look on Kara's face confirmed what they both already knew. She moved at Kryptonian speeds, rage pushing her to speeds that may have given Barry a run for his money. Her forearm was pushed on his throat and she had him pinned to the glass. The only noises he was making were the struggled sounds as air failed to escape him.

"Kara, stop!" Alex screamed, rushing over to her foster sister. She pulled at Kara's arm in vain.

Kara did not stop. She pushed a little tighter and there was some sick irony in the entire situation. She'd never mustered enough control to prevent herself from injuring Lena while they'd been together but when it came to finding the control to not accidentally snap this kid's neck that was no problem. The arm that wasn't being used as an instrument to brace him to the glass raised and at the end of Kara's arm her hand had balled into a tight fist, so tight that her knuckles turned white from the pressure.

"Kara, please." this time it was Lena asking.

"Do you guys really think I'd kill a kid?" she retorted but when she stopped to really look at the situation she supposed she couldn't really blame them. It looked bad and she'd reacted out of anger. It wasn't fair though; she was still raw from her most recent trip down memory lane and she didn't know what to do about all these conflicting emotions. She grunted and sent her fist through the glass and it shattered without leaving so much as a mark on her skin and Memory Master fell to the ground without the wall to hold him up anymore. He took deep, shaky breaths and while he struggled to regain his composure he looked up at Kara with a small smile.

"I knew you wouldn't kill me."

"Tempted," Kara crossed her arms over her chest "undo what you did to me." she insisted right away, wasting no time in getting to the point. There was something about this kid that just bothered her, the way he was unphased by anything was extremely unsettling. It made Kara look away from him; she didn't want to have to see that smile anymore. It was making her sick because she had a feeling that he was enjoying this whole thing.

"Technically you did it to yourself." he dusted himself off as he stood, taking extra care to inspect his cape. "You know that by the time this is all said and done you're going to be calling me a hero too, right?"

Something dangerous flashed in Kara's eyes and she took a threatening step forward only to once again catch herself and take a few steps back. For his safety. Because she was going to snap his neck. She would never actually and she felt horrible for even humoring doing such a thing to a teenager who obviously didn't know any better but this had to end now. She couldn't handle another flashback, the first few had already caused her to become undone.

"I don't want any more visions." Kara was blunt in her desires.

"Then deal with the underlying issue."

"You're not my therapist!"

"You don't have one; so maybe I should be?" he chuckled.

A frustrated grunt was the only thing that Kara could offer in reply and it looked like she might step forward so Lena extended an arm, blocking Kara's path. It was the same arm which held the fingers Kara had recently crushed and the blonde's heart sank at seeing the injury. "Lena, you should get that looked at."

Lena completely ignored her. "I can see that this isn't random, there's something your after. What do you want? Why are you doing this to Kara? I think it'd be best for everyone if you stopped because if you don't then I think that pretty soon National City won't have a hero at all anymore." She glanced back towards Kara "It's just some broken fingers. I've had worse, I'll be fine." then thinking she might have come off a little harsh "It means a lot that you're worried though. Thank you, Kara."

Alex had remained mostly silent throughout this whole thing but felt the urge to point out the obvious. "I don't know what to do here. He's not an alien, he's a minor… Technically he never physically harmed Kara so I don't think we can hold him here."

"Oh, I'm leaving. I just wanted to check on Kara's progress. It's getting pretty late and it's only been what… A few hours?" he sighed in an exaggerated manner. "I'm actually a huge fan. Of all of you. Deal with your shit, Supergirl. Then it all goes away. I'm only here to give you a little push in the right direction…"

"I don't need a push! I don't need help! I need you to stop!" Kara was screaming again but of course Memory Master had stopped listening.

He just hummed as he walked away again. Some agents aimed their weapons at him but a signal from Alex had them all lowering them immediately. He'd known he would be able to walk right out because of all the reasons Alex had listed. It didn't mean they wouldn't get him; it just meant it wasn't the right time. "Watch yourself, miss Luthor."

"Kara, sweetie, I promise we're going to find a way to make this better but first…" Alex trailed off and Lena picked up where she left off.

"I need to take care of my hand, I know." she sighed, "Now's as good a time as any to test it out."

Lena gave Kara a comforting smile and even a pat on the shoulder as she walked past the blonde heroine. From a sealed glass container on the other side of the room Lena withdrew a vial of something after entering a keycode to get the damn thing open in the first place. She had no troubles placing the vial into one of those gun injector thingies even with one hand and she never even hesitated into jamming it into her hand and pulling the trigger so to speak. Lena was rushing then. She placed her hand flat against a nearby table and did her best to adjust her fingers as best she could. Then like magic, right before Kara's eyes, the swelling went down and a quick scan with x-ray vision confirmed Kara's suspicions. Lena's hand had healed in less than a minute.

"A little something I was able to make with help from your friend Barry Allen. We were able to use his speedster D.N.A to make this healing agent. It works pretty well but can be dangerous is abused. In theory at least, I guess we'll know if there's any negative side effects based on what happens to me."

"You shouldn't experiment on yourself Lena." with those words Kara was slipping back into old habits, worrying about Lena when there really wasn't any need. If Lena deemed the mystery drug safe it probably was. She was the smartest woman in the room after all; probably in the city.

The Luthor was wiggling her fingers experimentally as she returned to the seat she'd used by where Kara's bed had once been. She crossed one perfect leg atop the other and leaned back comfortably. It looked like another day at the office for her despite the broken glass everywhere and the remains of a broken bed. She looked completely unfazed, like she'd just come back from lunch. "Are we all going to ignore his thinly veiled threat as he left?"

"No." Alex was the first to reply. "I don't think you should be alone for now Lena, maybe you should stay at the D.E.O tonight?"

"I'm not going to be bullied by a teenager and I'm not going to hide from one either, Alex." Lena replied calmly, "Kara, do you have any thoughts?"

Kara was, in truth, exhausted. When all this started she'd been on her way home to have dinner and relax before heading to sleep. Instead, for whatever reason, each memory she had to relive was draining her. It was mentally exhausting and she did briefly wonder if that was part of reliving the memories, some sort of side effect, or if it was just her. She did glance at Lena though and sighed. Lena was handling all of this like a champ. Lena was the true hero through all of this. She'd been surprised by Kara's sudden appearance, yelled at, had her fingers broken and she was still acting like it was a typical day.

"I'm tired. I want to go home and sleep." she responded to Lena, and for such a simple answer it had taken too long to reach it. She wasn't sure what else to say. She'd already broken down and admitted to missing Lena so bad it basically physically hurt her. It sort of negated anything she wanted to say for the rest of the night because no matter what they talked about both would only be thinking of back. The only difference was that thinking about it was killing Kara and Lena didn't seem to even care.

"Are we also not going to deal with how he got into the D.E.O in the first place?" Alex chimed in, frowning.

"I think Kara has a point though, more than any of us she's had one hell of a day. I think it's best we head back to my apartment where she can get some rest." Lena was so matter-of-fact as she spoke that neither Alex nor Kara initially noticed the implications of what she'd said. When they did they both turned to her at the exact same time, forcing Lena to pre-emptively answer whatever questions they were about to blurt out. "There's no way we can leave her alone when she could pass out at any moment, without any warning. I've been named in a threatening way by the person who did this to Kara. It just makes sense, we can watch each others' backs because, let's face it, you're going to be busy investigating." that last part was directed firmly at Alex.

Alex looked like she was going to argue, then she nodded. Lena was absolutely right. It wasn't that she'd delay looking into stuff in order to watch Kara but this was the most efficient use of all their time. Kara could defend Lena from any harm, Lena could watch over Kara if she passed out and Alex would be able to fetch them if she found anything. It wasn't like the kid had truly hurt anyone either. Sure, he seemed to have some kind of goal but he kept insisting he was helping. If he'd wanted to really hurt Kara he could have done something the first time she'd passed out in that alley.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Kara huffed out.

"I really think it's what's best, Kara." Alex replied, reaching out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. She tried to remain impartial but the look she was giving her foster sister was so full of desperation that there was no way it would pass unnoticed.

"I agree. Don't worry, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to." Lena chimed in, and maybe there was a hint of bitterness behind her words? There had definitely been something.

"The last time I saw you, Lena, we got into it. I don't want to-"

"You don't want to deal with any of it, I get it. You had no problem rushing in here to save me though. If making you a little uncomfortable for the night is what it takes to make you safe don't think I won't depower you and force you to my apartment." Lena was actually glaring at Kara, something she had rarely ever done. Kara was usually too adorable to be upset with but if she insisted on toying with her safety Lena would take matters into her own hands. "And stop acting like the last time we saw each other was at the party."

"Don't!" Kara responded, quickly looking away.

Alex wanted to ask what that was about, but decided it best not to. If Lena and Kara had seen each other since that party she'd never heard anything about it and there was probably a reason for that.

"Kara's she's right…" the elder Danvers remarked.

Kara wanted to fight it, wanted to push back. She should just fly out of there and she glanced towards the large balcony she always flew in through. Pearly white bit at her bottom lip and the muscles in her legs even tensed. She could do it before anyone even reacted, she was Supergirl after all.

"Don't you dare." Lena stood suddenly and she no longer seemed so unfazed. Her face had scrunched up and if it were a cartoon there'd be steam coming out from her ears. Possibly her nostrils too, which flared slightly in anger. "Stop being so selfish, just for a little while. We've let you be selfish for years now, not it's our turn. Throw your tantrum if you want, Kara but you're going to get in the damn car. Do you understand me?"

"You don't-"

"Doesn't matter." Lena cut her off so quick if it were expressed as a physical blow Kara would be through the wall.

"I don't-"

"Care. I don't care."

"Lena, seriously, li-"

"No! I get it, you still love me. We'll deal with it some other time. Right now you're going to get your ass in the car that's waiting for us downstairs." Lena spun right there and began walking her way towards the elevator, calling out behind her "If you're not down there in five minutes I'm coming back up here. You don't want that."

Kara turned towards Alex.

Alex was holding back a smile as best she could, which all things considered was not very well. When her eyes met Kara she made a noise that was some sort of hybrid of a scoff and laugh. "Don't look at me, Kara. You heard her."

All Kara could do was stare at Alex in disbelief and truth be told she kind of felt like a child being told what to do. "You're supposed to be on my side, Alex." she said accusingly and playing the guilt card had definitely not been the way to go because Alex raised a hand and brought it across Kara's cheek. It wouldn't hurt at all, but the meaning was clear.

"How dare you, Kara?" she paused. "How dare you?" she repeated, "I love you and I will always be on your side but you don't get to try and guilt me after the shit you've pulled. Lena's one of my best friends. She's worried about you, we've all been so worried about you but you didn't give a damn. Instead you shut yourself off, you shut us all out and that's your own damn fault."

Kara blinked and she suddenly felt like she was going to cry again. It was written all over her face.

Alex sighed, "I know it's not going to be easy, I know it hurts. But please do this for us. We can't take the first step for you. You're. Not. Happy." Alex wanted those words to really hit Kara, and she paused again to make sure Kara understood that this wasn't a guess, it was fact. Everyone knew it and no matter how many times she smiled for the cameras or pretended she was fine they would always know, the people who truly cared about her would know and they weren't okay with it. "If you want to leave, then leave. None of us can stop you but you know, Kara… The way you've been acting is worse than any physical damage you've ever caused." with nothing left to say Alex walked away as well, leaving Kara to make her choice.

/

"You should drink something, Kara."

The blonde blinked a few times and turned her head towards Lena, who she had not looked at once since she'd entered the car. She shifted a little uncomfortably but she couldn't move any further away from Lena than she already had, having already crammed herself completely against the door. From an outside perspective it would look almost like Lena was actually repelling her, the same side of two different magnets that couldn't touch and the closer she extended her hand towards Kara the more the Kryptonian tried to move against the door. Any more and the thing would probably blast off and that was all she needed.

"I'm not really thirsty Lena, thanks."

"You're mad at me." It was a statement, not a question.

Kara just looked at Lena in disbelief. She wasn't angry at Lena, far from it. Sure, her feelings were hurt. She was feeling vulnerable and confused, unsure of where either of them stood with the other and given everything that had happened today it seemed like a rather fair place to be in emotionally. If anything Lena's statement should be reversed because her outburst back at the D.E.O had made it pretty clear that she was the one who felt angry; Kara was just hurting. There was definitely some anger within Kara but none of it had ever been directed at Lena. Only herself and more recently Memory Master.

"You're the one who yelled at me, Lena." Kara took the bottle, if only to appease Lena.

"It worked didn't it?" Lena asked. Now that they'd started a dialogue it probably had to go somewhere but Kara didn't seem like she was going to open up. It left Lena in this awkward position where she was worried about saying the wrong thing, so many things felt off limit. The Luthor didn't think they should be though. They should be able to talk. Like they used to. It was true Kara had brought this all on herself but regardless of what anyone said going forward the blonde bombshell had finally taken the first step in admitting her pain. It wasn't an obvious step, she hadn't asked for help and had needed to be coaxed into it but that didn't change the fact that she could have run. Nothing had really been stopping her and it would have been easier for her. She never would have had to deal with anything and could have tried bottling it up. Instead she had marched her pretty self down to the parking garage and gotten into Lena's car without much of a fuss. "I'll admit I was a little harsh, I'm sorry Kara. I didn't mean to be. I watched you trash Alex's office. I watched you trash the medbay. I watched you break down and admit to destroying yourself. I watched you cry. I couldn't stand the thought of you being alone tonight, Kara because I know what you'll do. It's become a pattern, it seems. You'll go home and blame yourself for something that isn't your fault. I couldn't have that, even if I can just control that for one night."

"You don't understand Lena."

"You keep saying that, so help me. Please." Whatever anger Lena had been channeling earlier was replaced with a much softer tone, something to show Kara she truly was worried and did want to help.

"Why?" Kara's voice cracked, this was too much. All of it was too much, all these things were happening in quick succession and she needed a break where she could just not think about any of it. She needed to not be reminded of what she'd lost, she needed to to just shut her brain off. It was becoming quickly apparent she wasn't going to get that, at least not right away. Instead she'd try to make Lena understand. "Why do you need to understand? Don't you get that'll just make it worse?"

"I'm not following, Kara."

"You help me feel better for a night, then I have to go home once all this is over and get over you again.. That's not fair, that's not fair to you. It's not fair to me, Lena, I can't do this again. I can't hurt you again because of my lack of control." there was a bit of fidgeting before Kara kept talking. "These memories are hard, Lena. It's not just remembering. It's reliving. I can feel you, I can touch you, I can taste you. It kills me, Rao, don't you understand that it kills me? None of this is because I didn't love you anymore. It's because you almost died and even if you hadn't died you act like I didn't notice you wake up with fresh bruises. I had to fill in the blanks myself. Did I roll over in my sleep and my hand hit you? Did I try to pull you close, wanting to cuddle and squeeze too hard?"

"You should have trusted that I know what I can and can't handle, Kara." Lena brushed some hair from out of her face, more just so that she wouldn't just sit there like a statue while she spoke. "We would have figured it out. Together." Lena's voice noticeably dropped as she finished with what she had to say. "You took that chance away."

Kara's mouth twitched, Lena still wasn't getting it. "I had a nightmare. I kicked you so hard you flew into the wall. You had internal bleeding, you almost died because I kicked you in my sleep! I picked you up and you coughed blood on me! I had to fly you to the hospital dressed as Supergirl and explain that I did that to you! My God, Lena, do you know how awful that was? How scared I was…"

"It wasn't easy for me either, Kara!" Lena was quick with her response and this time it was her voice that cracked. "When I woke up you were like a different person, I didn't know who I was talking to anymore! Jesus, you started sleeping on the floor! You wouldn't come anywhere near me, we stopped trying to be intimate!

"Oh, please, that was a lost cause from the get go." Kara was getting defensive and even though her brain was screaming at her to stop before she said something she'd regret again, she couldn't seem to shut off the part of her brain that was making her terrified.

"You don't believe that."

"It's one of the things I regret the most!" Kara howled, "It was embarrassing and humiliating and a waste of damn time!"

"We had options and even if we didn't I wouldn't have cared if we'd never have sex."

"Big words coming from the woman who got laid days after we broke up!"

There was no quick reply this time, Kara had crossed a line again. She had pushed Lena away again. Two women, both equally powerful in different regards, stared at each other for the longest time. Kara was overridden with guilt. It wasn't fair to bring that up especially since she was the one who'd left Lena in the first place. The things Alex had said to her before she'd left the D.E.O rang true in her head and she took a deep breath before it went farther. "I shouldn't have- I… Lena, I'm sorry."

"Do you mean that, or are you just saying it because you feel bad?"

"I mean it, Lena, I mean it."

Lena seemed to be hesitating. She had been waiting to hear those words from Kara for a long time, even if in her mind it wasn't because of some cruel comment she'd made. This was not the Kara she had fallen in love with. This wasn't Supergirl. Kara's scars ran deep and each moment that passed gave the impression that no one had really understood the depths to which Kara had sunk. It didn't change anything for Lena though but she was also starting to get that Kara was more than a little confused on her feelings for the formerly bright, bubbly heroine.

"It means a lot to hear you say that, Kara. I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm going to say next though, okay? Please, just once listen."

Kara nodded; it was only fair.

"You're right. I did have sex days after we broke up. It meant nothing, I didn't care about this guy if that's what you think. It's easy to make assumptions that it's because I was so horny from not being able to get off while I was with you. That's just you trying to villainize yourself, though."

Kara opened her mouth and Lena raised a hand, reminding her of what she'd agreed to moments ago.

"I hated myself. It was disgusting, I felt disgusting. It was wrong, it felt wrong because it wasn't you. I lost you way before we broke up, I lost you the moment you gave in to your fears. You stopped trusting me and you were there with me physically but you weren't really there. You're acting like you're the only one in pain, well here's the truth, Kara. I miss you too!"

Those words were like a punch straight to Kara's gut. She actually flinched, visibly recoiled as she heard Lena say those words. She shut her eyes because that emotionless facade Lena had been hiding behind since Kara arrived at the D.E.O was beginning to falter and that just wasn't acceptable. If she saw Lena upset she would want to comfort her, she would want to hug her and then she would hurt her. "Please, Lena, st-"

"I miss you all the time, I miss my best friend, I miss my girlfriend. I spent months hoping you would fly in through my window and talk things out with me. For weeks I still ordered absurd amounts of food whenever I got take out. To this day I still look at some of the pictures of us on my phone and you are not the only one who gets to be sad. You don't get to treat me like I'm paper anymore."

"To me, you are paper!" Kara wailed back, choking back a sob.

"You. Won't. Hurt. Me."

"I already have!"

Lena reached out towards Kara with trembling fingers, so slowly as though Kara were the fragile one. The look on Kara's face as she saw Lena's hand make its way towards her was one of absolute terror. She looked as though if Lena made contact with her all of her deepest fears would come true, like so much as having Lena brush against her would cause the Luthor to explode into an unfixable pile of rubble. If Kara broke Lena, truly, she'd never be able to put those pieces back together.

On the other side, unbeknownst to Kara, Lena was thinking the same thing. Kara was truly the fragile one and even thought it was so obvious to Lena, Kara was unable to see it. She was so fixated on being scared of breaking Lena she'd forgotten to make sure she wouldn't break too. Lena's eyes were urgently trying to convey the message that everything would be fine, if Kara let her guard down for just a second nothing bad would happen. Her hand made contact with Kara's cheek, as softly as a feather falling into a pond without causing ripples in the water's surface.

"See? You're okay." Lena whispered, trying to get the hyperventilating Kara to calm down."You're okay, you won't hurt me."

"I…"

"Shhh, just don't move, don't blink, don't do anything, Kara." Lena was unmoving, Kara was unmoving. All there was were fingers on the soft skin of Kara's face and the blonde's desperation not to lean into that hand. How long had it been since any form of contact that didn't involve her fist bashing someone in the face? Too long, Rao, too long. Her blue-green eyes shut again but this time it was not out of desperation nor the desire to look away. It was to enjoy the warmth that came from the hand upon her cheek and her heart ached with longing.

"I-"

"Shhh. See? Do you see now? You're okay. Our conversation isn't over, I know this doesn't fix anything, I know you still think you're this great beast that's going to tear me apart if you give in… But just for this one, brief moment, relax. Take it in, darling, and realize you're okay."

"I'm okay?" Kara's voice had dropped to a whisper, matching Lena's

"You're okay."

"Miss Luthor, we've arrived."

Kara gasped and pushed away from Lena. The door to the car flew off, just as Kara had feared it could and the girl of steel herself fell onto the pavement of the sidewalk with a very ungraceful thud.

If looks could kill Lena would already be searching for a replacement driver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I'm kind of on a roll with this. I hope you guys don't find this chapter too... Boring? And I know this is the only thing I've updated in a while. I haven't forgotten about any of the other stuff I'm writing! Unfortunately I'm a slave to my brain, so I just write whichever stuff comes into my brain first and for whatever reason, currently, this is what it is. I have more comments to respond to, but I promise to all of you I've been reading them all. Honestly they're what keep me going, and thank you to EVERYONE who reads this, even the ones who don't comment. It honestly means so much to me, it's really nice and I love seeing all the positive stuff people have to say.
> 
> No flashbacks in this chapter, but that's okay! Also, even though they've been coming pretty much in order of events please don't expect that trend to keep up. I wanna mix it up a bit, and I'm actually fairly certain that the next flashback is going to be set after the one I have planned for after the next one (Gosh, I hope that makes sense...) 
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone! I also encourage you all the check out my tumblr again, I'd love to hear from all of you guys on there, and I'd love if you guys private messaged me, too! I'd love to get to know all of you and as always I'll love any constructive criticism you've got to throw my way!
> 
> Thanks, everyone!!!!


	5. Break Me

"I'm so sorry, Lena." Kara whined for possibly the hundredth time. That was just in the time it had taken them to leave the car and move up to Lena's apartment. Lena sighed in minor frustration as she tossed her keys onto the nearby table and turned towards Kara. She reached out with both hands and placed them on Kara's shoulder, the blonde tensing immediately, and she shook Kara in vain.

"Kara, it's fine. I'm a billionaire, remember? I'll buy a new car, I don't care about the car it's just a car."

Kara remained silent. Her arms were crushed against her side, perfectly angle with her body. She was fighting so hard to not move, not even twitch worried than any small movement would backlash on Lena and injure her. Her fists clenched up tightly and she shut her eyes, beginning to take deep breaths which quickly devolved into some sort of hyperventilation which included light shaking. It was a terrifying sight for poor Lena who'd never known Kara to act like this before and she frowned in confusion.

"Kara?" she asked, the more unhinged Kara seemed to grow the more worried Lena became. "Are you about to experience another memory?"

"Let go, Lena. Please let go."

Realization washed over Lena and she promptly released Kara. She took several steps back while raising her hands to either side of her own head, showing Kara that her hands were now being kept entirely to herself. The change was so quick that if Lena didn't know Kara so well she would think the Kryptonian had been faking whatever had just happened. This was just another example of how broken Kara had become. Was she really so terrified of hurting regular people that she couldn't handle being touched unexpectedly.

"I think you have PTSD." Lena blurted out without thinking, deciding to explain herself the moment she saw the glare Kara shot in her direction. "I'm not trying to be rude but there's clearly some sort of emotional trauma here."

"I'm fine."

"Said every traumatised person ever."

"I'm Supergirl. I've experienced way worse Lena."

"Then why is it that hurting me is the thing that's stuck with you most of all?"

That was a good point to be sure and both women knew exactly why. Their bond had been strong, something unlike anything either women had experienced separately. Individually they were weak but together they formed a dynamic duo that could accomplish anything. One was bad with feelings, the other had too many and they balanced each other out beautifully. As cliche as it sounded they complimented each other, completed the other and turned the other into the fullest version of themselves.

"I don't want to talk about this." Kara finally responded.

"Figures," Lena scoffed bitterly. She kicked her heels off, a sure sign of passive aggressiveness and moved directly towards her kitchen. "I know you can't get drunk but would you like a drink, Kara? I'm certainly going to have one. I need one, after everything. Can I interest you?" Lena was already pouring the scotch into one of those beautiful crystal cups that had always fascinated Kara since most of her cups had cartoon characters on them. "There's potstickers in the fridge, you must be hungry."

Lena's tone put Kara in defense mode right away, both had been through several trials in the last couple of hours and it had worn them down. Kara pursed her lips and marched towards the fridge and pulled the door open, as carefully as she could. She felt wound up and with Lena so nearby she was really worried about what she might do. The potstickers were found quickly and it wasn't until she'd closed the fridge door that she responded to Lena.

"No, thank you. From cradling my face to berating me. Why am I not surprised?"

"Are you sure you should be getting so worked up? You might tear my arm off."

"You're the one who chose to fall in love with a monster Lena!"

"Oh, please! Cut the shit you're not a fucking monster!" Even angry, Lena couldn't stand to hear Kara berate herself. "You know, if you're going to call yourself something stupid at least call yourself a God, like other people do."

Kara chuckled darkly, popping a potsticker into her mouth and practically swallowing it whole. "Falling in love with a God is not a death sentence. The story is only a tragedy if the God loves you back." Kara paused, "One of your favorites."

"You know damn well I didn't mean it like that!" Lena hissed out, she was already on her third drink and was showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Everyone had been so focused on Kara's feelings, even Lena herself, that she hadn't paused to ponder on how being around Kara might affect her. She'd been so eager to keep her safe she'd forgotten all about how she had felt when Kara had left her. She had loved Kara dearly, she still did but all the things she'd never said were not going to be kept bottled up anymore. If Kara was strong enough to lash out she was strong enough to hear anything Lena had to say. Her only hope was that by the morning maybe they'd be able to act normally around each other, at least until they dealt with all this shit. Then if Kara wanted to go back to isolating herself then there was nothing anyone could really do.

"Hey, I didn't mean to nearly kill you. Maybe that was just my way of saying I love you, right?"

Lena's eye twitched and she threw the cup at the back of Kara's head, not even flinching as it shattered against the Girl of Steel, the former hero of National City because in her current state Lena wouldn't dare call her a hero. Hot tears were burning in the back of Lena's eyes and she shouted as loudly as she could, something so unlike her it had Kara whipping her head around in shock.

"You left me! You. Left. Me. I didn't want you to fucking go, Kara! I told you we'd figure it out, I told you I was fine, I told you to let me make my own decisions! Did you want me to beg? Is that what you wanted? For me to get on my knees and cry, and beg you to stay with me? I'm sorry the robot didn't do that for you, oh great Goddess."

"I left you to keep you safe, Lena!"

"You left me because I'm a fucking Luthor!" she shrieked back as the tears finally fell, unabashed. "Just like I fucking said you would! Just like I fucking knew you would! God damn it, Kara, you made me believe I was good. You made me think I was special. You made me believe I could actually fall in love and you fucking left me here without a second thought!"

"That is not true!" Kara stomped her foot down, and it went right through the floor but for once she didn't care. "I don't care what your last name is so long as your safe!"

"You wouldn't return my calls, you wouldn't listen to me. We could have figured something out, you never even really gave us a chance to try. Stomp your feet and scream all you want but it's my turn now. My turn!" Lena's voice was quivering, "Your fucking sister was the one who sat here and told me it wasn't my fault. She's the one who told me I wasn't evil."

"I didn't leave you because of your name, f-" Kara hated to curse, "Fuck, Lena!"

"You promised." Lena knew she'd finally gotten through when Kara's face turned a ghostly shade of white. "If you'd stopped loving me, if we couldn't be together anymore that was one thing. But I didn't have to lose my friend too."

Somehow, it was mentioning their friendship that got Kara to take a deep breath and stop herself from saying anything else she'd regret. Something had broken through whatever stubborn shell Kara had forced around her thoughts. In her anger she hadn't really been seeing Lena but Lena wasn't one to break down. Not usually, so something had to be truly wrong for her to express herself like this. She didn't look like the confident, kick-ass C.E.O she usually was. No, with the tears falling down her cheeks and the final hints of anger giving way to sadness she looked almost exactly like Kara. Broken.

Hell if she wasn't still beautiful though.

"You're hurting too." Kara inhaled sharply.

"I'm hurting too!" It was meant to be a scream but came out as something much weaker. "Just please, put me out of my misery and tell me why you left."

"To keep-"

"No, don't just say to keep me safe. Please, Kara give me a real reason. Was it that we couldn't have sex without outside help?"

"What!? Lena, Rao, no!"

"Because I didn't care about sex."

"It wasn't about sex!" Even in this situation Kara's ears turned pink at even saying the word. Then Kara felt nauseous, because her head began tingling. Her eyes started growing heavy. The last thing she saw before passing out was Lena, again. Kara with the floor with a loud thud and Lena was already rushing over to carry her to the couch.

/

It had taken a lot of practice but Kara was feeling rather confident that she'd mastered the art of kissing Lena without breaking anything. Her powers sometimes manifested in other peculiar ways, like how currently they were floating about three feet above the couch and Kara had no clue. Lena wasn't about to bring it up either because if she did Kara would stop kissing her then spend ten minutes apologize. That would mean ten minutes before they would start kissing again and to Lena Luthor that was just unacceptable. Instead she just secured her thighs on Kara's hips, letting the red dress she was wearing ride up a little more as her tongue fought furiously with the Kryptonian's; a battle she was certain to lose but didn't care.

The not bringing up the floating thing was purely a delay tactic. Kara would notice eventually anyway but the hope was that if Lena really got her into it they at least wouldn't have to take as long of a break. She was trying to make Kara feel better after all; even had a little surprise for the heroine. She'd been watching the news all day, watching as Kara fought back a group of aliens. Civilians had been lost before Kara had managed to get there and she'd taken ti hard. She always did, always blamed herself for not being able to get all of them. It was a never ending struggle, trying to help her cope with the ones she failed. Her words, not Lena's. Lena told her time and time again that it wasn't her fault. She told Kara this almost as much as Kara told her there was nothing wrong with being a Luthor. The exhausted look on Kara's face had been clear the moment she'd flown into Lena's apartment and the Luthor hadn't even hesitated. She'd dragged Kara to the couch, straddled her and just started kissing her. That was almost a half hour ago.

Trying to get more intimate with Kara was always a process and Lena understood why it had to be. Kara hadn't really hurt her seriously since their first kiss. There'd been some bruises here and there, a few playful pushes that were just a bit too hard. The blonde bombshell felt guilty everytime it happened but Lena would reassure her and they'd go about their lives. Kara would be a little more careful for a few days and then the lovers would settle more or less into their regular day to day lives. Kara had more of a tendency of breaking furniture than anything. If she was holding a glass or a plate or anything Lena had learned that giving Supergirl's rear a firm swat would usually get her to crush it basically on command. She called it her own Superpower and laughed even as Kara berated her and told her to be careful. In her sleep she'd broken numerous headboards and even a bedside table once. She'd put limbs through walls, furniture. One time she'd landed far too quickly and broke several windows. No big deal, in Lena's opinion. A small price to pay for dating Supergirl. The point being Lena understood why they had to have excessive kissing before they even attempted anything fun. Not that the kissing was no fun; just sometimes she wanted more.

Kara had pleased her a few times. Very, very carefully. More recently Lena had attempted the same on Kara without much success. It had been a very unfortunate incident and had ended up breaking two of Lena's fingers. The biggest incident since their first kiss, all in all not bad. Lena thought it was pretty stupendous. She'd honestly expected a few accidents here and there but Kara had been amazing through the whole thing. She knew how hard it was, knew because Kara told her. She wished Kara would let her guard down just a little but didn't complain. Kara was right, for sure. It just must be so stressful for her, she wanted to help Lena relax. So she tolerated the long makeout sessions, not that she could even pretend she minded.

Steadying her hips as sneakily as she could Lena slid her hands up to Kara's shoulder and unhooked the brilliant red cape that hung there. As soon as she unhooked and released it it fell to the couch below and prompted a confused Kara to look down. She frowned, though didn't seem too upset. "Oh, fudge." she muttered and slowly the couple lowered to the couch and landed with naught a sound. "Sorry about that Lena. You had me literally walking on air." Kara chuckled nervously immediately after the words left her lips.

Lena simply gave Kara a smoldering look. There was a heat building behind her gaze and one burning even brighter lower in her belly. There was always some sort of flame burning within her when she was with Kara. Sometimes the flame was more a representation of her love. Of how Kara could make her smile with nothing more than a text.. Other times it was because she looked so damn hot in her Supergirl outfit and Lena wished she could properly satisfy her Kryptonian lover. She was working on it… After a blink, Lena purred. She hooked her thumbs under the yellow part of Kara's skirt and dug her thumbs into the fabric of the top of her costume. Pushing upwards the usually hidden hem of the shirt popped up and Lena ran her hands under the skin-tight fabric. As her hands slid up the smooth, powerful abs of her blonde heroine the shirt rolled up along with it, scrunching up until it had rollen into a messy cylinder under Kara's breasts. Lena met Kara's gaze, seeking permission in those brilliant eyes.

"Just be careful." Kara whispered down, her breath coming quickly, causing her chest to rise and fall rapidly.

"Always," Lena whispered and pushed the shirt up over what she was truly searching for. Kara's breasts popped out, perky and firm; just like Kara's personality. If breasts could be described as chipper, actually, they would be Kara's breasts. They certainly made Lena happy at any rate. It was so funny, being so careful when she knew Kara was made of fucking steel. Her hands were delicate as they brushed over the hill that was Kara's tits. She squeezed them, putting some effort into the action. This was one of only a couple of areas on Kara that were malleable by human hands. They'd theorized it was something to do with the possibility of having a child, after all if the baby wasn't super powerful it would need to feed somehow. Though John's existence had wrecked that theory since he'd been born with powers. Or maybe it was just so Lena could enjoy them? Anything was possible.

Kara's breath caught in her throat for a moment as Lena's thumbs traced the circle of her areolas and when she took each pink bud in between her thumb and her index and squeezed as hard as she could. Kara yelped, a very pleased sounding one and then her thighs twitched slightly, raising for a moment. Her eyes widened in fear, and she looked like she was going to push Lena off.

"Shhhh, Kara, sweetheart. I'm fine, darling. I'm fine." Lena was cooing up at Kara who did not seem to be responding. Resorting to Kara's weakness Lena started pressing butterfly kisses along Kara's chin and up the side of her neck whispering all manner of comforting things into her ear. Kara moaned softly, lips barely parting as she exhaled the pleasured sound, gracing Lena's ears with affirmations of a good job. Kara relaxed, hips swaying back and forth as she got herself comfortable, sinking into the sofa cushions. "You're not gonna hurt me." Lena whispered and Kara just whimpered in approval. "I have something new we can try…" Lena finally managed to say out loud.

Kara shifted so she was sitting up more straight and simply tilted her head in that purely Kara way. She wasn't even responding to the attention given to her nipples, even though Lena had not stopped squeezing and tugging. "What do you mean…?" she asked, hesitating. If Lena had come up with something to help them be intimate it had to be Kryptonite related. It was the only thing that could really weaken her. The problem is even minute amounts of the green stuff was enough to poison Kara and make her sick. Larger amounts hurt her and put her out of commission and even larger amounts would prove lethal if used all at once.

Lena reached to the other end of the couch, grasping her purse and bringing it back to her more comfortable position. One that didn't require her to stretch. She began fumbling through it until she pulled out a ring. Rubies seemed to be encrusted along the circle of the ring. Lena held it between the two of them triumphantly. Kara nearly bucked her off.

"Lena is that red kryptonite!? Are you crazy, put that away!"

"Of course not!" Lena sounded a little offended, "The red along the ring is of the same material that we used to project red solar rays onto you. The thing is we don't want to depower you completely. You said that's a bad idea in case we're in the middle of something and the city needs you. So I thought if I could use that technology and make it smaller, reduce the amount of red sun radiation we're using on you it might depower you just enough that you can't really do any real damage." she quirked a perfectly shaped eyebrow and Kara looked so innocent, sitting there with her shirt rolled up past her chest. "It also only activates when you put it on, I put sensors along the inside of the ring so that it doesn't just trigger randomly. I actually don't know how much this may or may not depower you but this seemed like the best idea I could come up with." Lena paused, "For now."

Kara plucked the ring from Lena's fragile fingers and examined it closely. She was frowning slightly, completely forgetting she was mostly topless as she adjusted her posture. "I guess it's worth a try."

"It is!" Lena was showing intense signs of excitement, it pushed a small smile to Kara's mouth. "God, think of the possibilities Kara! I could finally make you fucking cum around my fi-"

"Lena!" Kara yelled out, mouth gaping wide. Her face took on a similar shade to her discarded cape and she shook her head from side to side quickly, sending dirty blonde strands everywhere. "How can you talk like that?"

Lena chuckled a little and leaned in, giving Kara's neck a quick lick. "Because I want to finally fu-" Lena rolled her eyes as she adjusted her wording. "Freaking finally taste you! You haven't let me…" Lena stuck her bottom lip out, actually pouting.

"I'll try it on, just stop pouting and talking so…" A fresh flush formed on Kara's cheeks, "Naughty…" she whispered the last word.

Lena watched expectantly as Kara slipped the ring onto her finger, sliding it all the way down her dainty digit. Then she just stared at the thing, hand extended. She was focused so intently on it she didn't notice Lena start biting her lip. Kara's focused face turned into a frowning one and she shook her hand up and down lightly. "Is it broken?"

"Were you expecting some sort of bright flash of light or something? It's already working, darling. Go on! Do something Supergirl-ish!" Lena tapped her chest. "Shove me. Not too hard, just a little."

Kara lifted Lena with ease and placed her on the ground, eliciting a whine from the Luthor. Kara was wildly waving her arms in front of herself. "Are you crazy! You're not the test subject. Give me something else to try."

"Push the sofa then. Softly." Their playing was on hold, bother more curious than horny. Their desire would multiply intensely if this ring worked, though. Lena had a list - an actual handwritten list - of things she was going to do to Kara if she ever got the chance.

Kara nodded and approached the couch cautiously, almost like she was approaching a wild animal as opposed to an inanimate object. She placed her foot on the edge of the cushions and nudged it forward lightly. Or so she thought. The couch went flying back with the force of a wrecking ball. It nearly cracked through Lena's wall, if it had who knows who it could have landed on down in the streets below. Lena was frowning like it was no big deal, Kara on the other hand was entering full on panic mode.

"I think I'll have to make some adjustments…" Lena mumbled, already mentally making calculations.

Kara tore the thing off of her finger, holding it in her hands. Had there even been a difference? Judging by the couch firmly lodged in Lena's wall the answer off the tip of her head would be no. Kara spun to face Lena with blinding speed, face wrinkled up in concern. It would be so adorable if she didn't look so devastated. "Shove me, she says! Can you imagine if I had! You'd be dead right now, Lena!"

"I don't think I'd be dead. Maybe a few broken bones but I think I'd be fine." Lena knew the moment she'd opened her mouth she'd just made it worse.

Kara was flustered, no, more like she was terrified. "Thank Rao I didn't!"

"Shhh, it's okay…" Lena cooed, reaching for Kara's face.

"No!" Kara stepped away and in her effort to jump backwards from Lena ended up sending her foot through the floor by mistake. 'Damn it!" she yelped, lifting herself in the air so she couldn't bump into anything. It was only then she realized that whatever she was holding was no longer a ring. It looked more like a ball now and her face dropped. "Lena, I'm so sorry!" she spurted it out so quickly that Lena almost didn't make it out. She might not have if she wasn't so used to hearing those words.

"Kara, it's fine."

"It's not, I could have killed you!"

"You didn't. Come down here."

Kara complied, landing in front of Lena.

"Come on, let's get back on the couch and-"

"Are you crazy!?" Kara looked like a horde of Dominator's had just landed in Lena's living room. Her fingers opened and the former ring fell to the floor, clattering harmlessly. "No! No, there's no way, not like this! No!"

"Kara," Lena insisted, stepping forward. "It's fine, I just want to kiss you. Make you feel better."

"No, Lena, no."

"Kara, please…" Lena continued to insist and she was the one frowning now. "I'm telling you that you won't hurt me."

"It's not worth the risk. I don't want to anymore, okay? I just… I don't want to."

Kara whooshed past Lena so fast the Luthor didn't even have the time to blink. The sound of the shower turning on a couple of seconds later told Lena where Kara had run off to. She bent down to pick up the remains of her ring and sighed. "I'll figure this out, mark my words."

/

Kara spent far longer than necessary in the shower. When she came out, wrapped in only a towel, she found Lena already in bed. She didn't use her x-ray vision to check but she was pretty sure that Lena was naked under the covers and she sighed, giving Lena a small glar. Not a real one, just one the show her lover that she had yet to fully calm down from their earlier shenanigans.

"Lena, I'd love to help you out but I just can't tonight."

Lena simply shook her head. "No, not that. Just… Lay with me. No barriers between us. If I can't help you relax, calm down, then at least let me feel your skin on mine."

Kara didn't look fully convinced. "Lena…"

"Darling, I'll behave. I promise." she pleaded, wanting nothing more than to just be close to Kara in whatever way she could.

Kara relented and nodded. She dropped the towel, revealing her body to Lena. Even with the sour mood seeing Lena smile at seeing her naked forced her to smile too. She blushed, even though this wasn't the first time Lena had seen her naked at all. They showered together regularly, purely to save water of course. They had slept together naked on multiple occasions and sometimes, since they had to get creative, Lena liked looking at Kara while she… Took care of herself. One time they'd tried to please themselves together, facing each other but Kara had gotten too shy and wanted to stop, promising they would try again another time. Sure, it had been embarrassing, but it had also been incredibly sexy.

Kara got under and covered herself quickly. Lena took the opportunity right away, shimmying her way towards Kara and pressing her bare body against the Kryptonian's. Kara sighed in relief as she felt the warmth of Lena's body against her own, and the meager weight of her lover half atop her. Lena's breasts were pressed into Kara's side, and turning her head sideways allowed the two to share a chaste kiss.

"I'm sorry I freaked out." Kara muttered, shutting her eyes.

"It's okay, you just want to keep me safe." Lena replied, not much louder. She gave Kara another peck then rested her head on the blonde's shoulder. "I'll figure this out, alright? I promise."

"I know. You're Lena Luthor."

Kara was out light a light not much longer after that. Lena on the other hand didn't want to sleep quite yet. She spent several hours figuring out how to adjust the ring or trying to come up with new ideas. She was sure a solution existed that ended with everyone happy, including the citizens of National City. It was the middle of the night when Kara began stirring in her sleep. Lena found it rather cute. Then Kara began groaning, clearly she was having some sort of nightmare. Lena leaned in close, she wanted to whisper in Kara's ear to reassure her that everything would be fine.

Kara's hand whipped out, it looked like she was swatting a fly. The back of her hand hit Lena squarely in the face. Lena yelped, but did her best to stifle the sound. Honestly she was fairly certain she had nearly been knocked out right then and there. A loud, unpleasant crunch had been heard when Kara's hand had connected. She knew something was wrong, her nose must have been broken. Blood was freely pouring, so much of it that Lena could taste the disgusting tang of metal. With nothing to offset the taste she gagged lightly. Not wanting to wake Kara she tried shimmying away while holding her face while Kara continued to whimper in her sleep. Poor Lena was torn. She wanted to help Kara but if she woke her girlfriend up and she saw Lena in her current state she would be devastated. Lena wasn't for lying but it was better to go to the hospital and pretend she'd tripped or something in the dark. Kara would suffer through the nightmares but at least Lena wouldn't be the cause of giving her more of them.

As she was shimmying away, slowly, somehow managing to stay calm throughout this entire ordeal Kara rolled into some kind of ball with her lower half pointed towards Lena. Lena didn't think too much of it as she tried to make her way to the other side of the bed. Kara's legs bounded away from her body as though the pressure from a spring had just been released. One foot missed her by an inch, she wasn't so lucky with the second. Kara's sole hit Lena right in the side. Kara wasn't kidding when she said she was usually holding back. Her foot hadn't even been moving that fast but it was nothing like the love taps she sometimes gave Lena. No, not similar at all. This felt more like a jet had just rammed Lena in the side. She went flying off the bed and crashed into the wall, actually damaging the wall itself which also had the added effect of damaging her.

She collapsed to the floor, screaming which of course woke Kara up. She was on her feet in a second and both hands moved to her mouth horrified as she saw Lena's state on the floor. "Lena, what happened!?" Kara screamed, quickly scanning the room, the apartment, for miles around them for the location of Lena's attacker. Not seeing anything she was left with only one reasonable conclusion. That she had done this herself. She whooshed towards Lena, kneeling beside her.

"I'm fine." Lena gurgled out, and a ridiculous amount of blood was pouring out onto Lena's chest. The luthor even tried to move which is when she realized one arm was bent at an awkward angle, with the bone sticking out from the elbow. Somehow she wasn't crying or whimpering in pain. She was probably in shock and it hadn't hit her yet. She felt numb, almost and the first thought that passed through her mind was paralysis. The look on Kara's face pulled her back to reality, despite the urge to close her eyes. "I'm fine." she repeated, coughing on the blood built in her mouth.

"Oh no. No, no, no. Lena, no…. No, Rao." Kara whimpered, she was already crying like a baby. A scan of Lena revealed that almost every single one of her ribs had shattered. Even worse was the fact that it seemed the force of the kick had sent the shards of bone into some of Lena's organs. Kara was no doctor but she knew that was bad. "Oh no. No, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, Lena, you're gonna be okay." she just kept whispering out in a panic. She whooshed away, returning dressed in her Supergirl outfit. She ripped the sheet of the bed and covered Lena's bare body. She lifted her girlfriend into her arms and Lena finally screamed. She began to sob but words seemed to difficult, instead she buried her face in Kara' neck and a fresh wave of guilt hit Kara right in the chest. She felt like she was going to be sick, what was even more sickening is she had to consider her identity. If she brought Lena to a hospital as Supergirl like this… No, the D.E.O was the best place and they probably had some really good technology there that could help.

Kara flew there in record speed, cradling Lena against her chest tightly. She kept apologizing, she couldn't stop. No matter what else she tried to say all she could find was the one five letter word that didn't mean anything when Lena was dying in her arms. All of her fears were coming true right in front of her eyes, right in her arms. She landed onto the balcony and just began screaming.

"Help! Help! Please, help! Lena's hurt, please!" Kara screamed, kneeling and lightly rocking Lena back and forth. Luckily D.E.O medics were rushing to her. In almost Kryptonian speed the produced a stretcher and began lifting Lena onto it.

"Miss Danvers! Miss Danvers!" screamed a particularly firm medic. "Can you tell us what happened." the medic turned towards the others, "Get a surgeon in here, now!" then turned back to Kara. "Who did this to Miss Luthor? Was there an accident."

"Me." Kara croaked out. "I'm the accident. I killed her. I killed Lena."

/

Kara woke up from her memory trip crying. This time had been different, more intense even. She hadn't just felt her own emotions, no, for the first part she'd felt Lena's too which had just been a whole lot of extra guilt she hadn't needed. She would have gladly taken all the guilt in the world as long as she could have avoided reliving what had come after. She turned towards Lena and judging by the terrified look on her face she knew exactly what Kara had been reliving.

Lena backed away. She raised both of her arms towards the sky before she began speaking towards Kara. "I'm standing away. I'm over here, see? Look, Kara. I'm over here, you can't hurt me. I'm over here, you can't hurt me." her voice was so desperate to push that thought into Kara's head. That event is what had destroyed her last time, so reliving it probably wasn't helping all the stuff they'd been talking about before she'd passed out. Lena needed to be heard and she had a lot of feelings on everything but those were about to take a back seat. This wasn't one of Kara's 'tantrums' as she had so inelegantly put it. No, this was now the most important thing to deal with. "Kara, look I'm fine."

"You're safe?" Kara whimpered out. She rolled off the couch, getting on all fours as she looked towards Lena with the most pitiful of looks. She crawled towards her ex-girlfriend and she didn't even try to hide how upset she was, didn't try to hide the tears. She cried freely in front of Lena and when she reached the Luthor she knelt up, staying on her knees. This put her level with Lena's stomach. "Please don't move. Please, please, please…."

"I won't move, I'm fine."

Kara grabbed the bottom of Lena's shirt, she must have changed while Kara was out, and began lifting it. She remembered each mark, each detail. Those big bruises that Lena had sported her weak, turning her previously frail but beautiful porcelain skin to ugly, purple blotches. A constant visual reminder of Kara's unintended abuse. Her dread grew as she rolled it up, when once rolling Lena's shirt up would have made her giddy with excitement all she wanted to do was vomit now. She pushed the shirt up until all of Lena's tummy and torso was exposed. She sighed in relief and pressed her forehead to Lena's stomach. "You're not hurt… You're not hurt." she whimpered, the feebly sounds making her seem even more broken than she already was.

"I'm not hurt," Lena confirmed "I'm not hurt, Kara, see."

Kara nodded in response and Lena could feel the tears scorching her tummy, bringing an immense amount of sadness at seeing Kara like she was. She was also suddenly rethinking her whole 'tough love' strategy because maybe it wouldn't be what was best for anyone after all. Then Kara caught her even more off guard. The blonde buried her face into Lena's stomach, then raised her head slightly. Her mouth brushed against where so long ago Kara had kicked her, nearly ending her life. Kara began pressing soft kisses along the area and Lena inhaled sharply. She blew lightly on Lena's skin, using her frost breath not to freeze but to give a pleasant cooling sensation along Lena's skin. Then she warmed the area up by pressing soft kisses to it again.

Kara's arms flew around Lena, hugging her around the hips as she continued to kiss that specific spot. Then Kara began rising to her feet and her mouth trailed a line up towards Lena's chest. When she reached the fabric of Lena's shirt she stood fully erect and picked Lena up by her hips. She sat the Luthor on the couch, exhaustion finally catching up with her. If the other memories had been tiring, this one had depleted the last reserves of energy Kara had. She sat on the other end of the couch and leaned back against the couch. This one was nicer, Lena must have gotten rid of the old one. Kara stifled her sobs, one arm was limp on the couch but extended as much as she could. Lena was confused until she felt the very tips of Kara's fingers press against her hand, then she understood.

"I'm sorry, Lena. I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

"Shhh...Rest." she whispered back but if she could she'd curl up right beside Kara but that probably wouldn't be the best idea. Instead she lightly nudged Kara's hand with her own. The meaning was clear to the tired Kryptonian though: 'I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.'

"You were right. You were right…." Kara seemed barely functional, "Keep you safe isn't the only answer. I'm selfish. I'm so bad, I'm sorry…" Kara paused, in fact she may have forgotten she was talking then realized she hadn't finished a few seconds later. "I felt what you felt this time. You cared so much, I'm sorry. I was selfish, I felt guilty. I couldn't look at you without seeing what I did. So I didn't look anymore. I'm sorry. I hurt you so bad, I hurt you so, so bad…" she began curling her knees up to her chest but her hand never moved.

Lena also realized that Kara wasn't talking about the physical injury. She was finally acknowledging the emotional pain she'd inflicted on Lena and was apologizing for it. Feeling her love for Kara must have made the Kryptonian think about how Lena had felt after she'd left. That was enough for Lena. That was more than enough. "It's okay now."

"You're okay…" Were the last words Kara uttered as she let herself fall asleep. Normally nightmares would have been rampant but with just Lena's hand pressed to her fingertips that kept them all at bay. Even in her dreams Kara realized Lena was still protecting her. How ironic.


	6. Help Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I'm back I guess! I hope you all enjoy this, and I hope to do a little more interacting when I'm not so tired. This is unedited, I sat here and wrote it in one go but I really wanted to get it out. Really bad, so I'll edit it as I need to tomorrow or something. Thank you, everyone!

Lena didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. Sleepless nights weren’t really new to her. Sometimes she would get obsessed with a new invention or simply have too much work to do in order to get a proper night of sleep. Lack of sleep didn’t bother her, especially when it was for a good cause. As far as Lena was concerned this was the best reason she could think of: Giving Kara a good night’s sleep, probably the first one in who knew how long. Instead of sleep, Lena kept herself awake by focusing on Kara. To other it would probably seem weird, perhaps creepy. Some would even find it boring… but for Lena it was easy, time flew by as she counted Kara’s breath, focused on her face to make sure she was comfortable. On the rare occasions Kara would squirm or looked like she might be about to have a nightmare Lena would lean forward and without a word nuzzle her face into the crook of Kara’s neck, blonde waves covering her own messy, darker hair. 

 

Barely an hour had passed in Lena’s mind when she noticed the sun’s rays lazily poking through her curtains to begin dousing the room in soft light. Somehow her arm had wound up under Kara’s head and had fallen asleep. She was very careful as she wiggled it out from behind the sleeping beauty, wiggling it up and down as she tried to regain feeling in her numb limb. Kara didn’t wake up but she did mutter something and push her cheek into the soft fabric of Lena’s sofa, the tiniest amount of drool pooling at the corner of her lips and dribbling down her chin. This brought a smile to Lena’s lips. The great Supergirl drooled in her sleep. Not that this was news to the Luthor…

 

As Lena made her way towards her bedroom she gave one final, concerned glance back towards Kara then got ready for the day ahead of her. It proved difficult to get ready for a day where she didn’t know what to expect. One tender moment with Kara the night before was nowhere near enough to repair the rift that had grown between them, nor would it heal the hurt the two had unwillingly caused each other over the last few years. It was a beginning though and perhaps that was enough for now. Lena told herself this as she stripped and allowed the scalding heat of the shower to wash the muck from the previous day away. The sleep-deprived Luthor had meant to spend ten minutes in the shower at most but ten minutes turned to twenty, twenty to thirty and before long the water had cooled which meant it was most definitely time to get out.

 

She chose a simple greenish-blueish dress which ended near the mid of her thigh and had a delicious ‘v’ traveling down the pale expanse of her chest. With her body washed and fresh clothes to cover her she already felt much better than she had the previous day. Then her stomach growled to remind her she needed to eat. That was how she wound up in the kitchen, after checking on Kara of course, cooking pancakes. Cooking enough pancakes for a ravenous Kryptonian, occasionally munching on one between batches. The smell of the food must have worked because soon Kara was groaning and stretching, arms pushing straight into the air and back arching to release strain on her spine. 

 

The poor blonde blinked a few times as she tried to figure out where she was, Lena watching the whole time. The few seconds of not knowing where she was weren’t the worst part though. There was a moment of relief once she realized she was in Lena’s apartment and then her face scrunched up in horror. Her breath caught in her chest and her eyes widened in fear. She looked around until she located Lena. Lena, on her end, was trying to hold the pain in her chest back. She knew Kara wasn’t afraid of being here in this house, knew Kara wasn’t afraid of her but seeing that kind of reaction was still painful for Lena. As their eyes met there was a realization of what the other was feeling but before Lena could even open her mouth there was a familiar woosh of air and she found her hips backed into the counter, eyes wide.

 

“Are you okay?” came a recognizable, worried tone. Kara was patting Lena down with gentle, butterfly like touches, searching for any sign of discomfort. “Tell me you’re not hurt.” she finished with a whisper, ending with a hand on where so long ago all of this had started. Her fingers trembled as she awaited Lena’s reply.

“I’m fine.” Lena replied, putting on her best reassuring tone. She took hold of Kara’s wrist, holding eye contact, and slowly moved it from her body. “I’m fine,” she repeated, then waited as she tried to find what to say next. “You didn’t hurt me. You slept through the night, like a very cute baby.” 

“It’s morning?” 

“It’s morning Kara. When was the last time you slept through the night?”

“I don’t know. I’m still dreaming, I have to be.” her words didn’t seem particularly worried though, seemingly Lena being not hurt was a huge relief. 

Lena frowned in confusion. “Why do you say that?”

“Something’s burning… Maybe my heat vi-”

“My pancake!” Lena pushed past Kara, grabbing the handle of the frying pan she’d been using and lifting it off the heat. She spun on her heels and flung the thing into the sink and black smoke filled the kitchen as she turned the sink on and the cold water hit the heated pan. Kara didn’t stand idly by though, she’d opened a window, sped to the other side of the kitchen and with a sharp inhale blew hard enough to blow all the smoke out the window before it could activate any fire prevention measures.

“You know this is why you don’t cook.” Kara accused, playfully.

“I’ll have you know I have a stack of perfectly good pancakes right here.” Lena replied, pointing a perfectly manicured finger towards the good stack with a defiant glare.

Supergirl was already picking one up, stuffing it into her mouth. Noises of undulation escaped her as she enjoyed her breakfast, shoving one after the other into her mouth.

“Goodness Kara, you’re going to choke.”

“Mmphhnng.”

“Swallow, for Rao’s sake.”

Kara was briefly tempted to say ‘That’s what she said’ but she felt it would be an inappropriate time for such a thing. Instead she did, in fact, swallow before her face grew more serious after the levity of the current exchanges. This was dangerous, it felt too natural, too good. Kara had to make sure she didn’t drop her guard. “You shouldn’t have let me stay here, Lena.”

“My apologies, Supergirl.” she replied, her own voice returning to something a little more cold. Not the way she spoke to a girlfriend, not even the way she’d speak to a friend. “I’d do it again though. You needed sleep. You needed to be somewhere safe.”

“You did too.” Kara replied in a small voice.

“There’s nowhere safer than with Supergirl.”

Just like that they were back at square one, back to facing the fundamental difference between their opinions.  If there was a positive to be found in that though it was that they were at least talking about it. They’d spent so long not talking about it, neither had ever dealt with the repercussions of what had happened. It had been left there to fester and boil over, eventually scarring over and leading to misplaced resentment. Each cared about the other but was doing so in the wrong way, in an unhealthy way. Instead of continuing any kind of dialogue they just stared at each other in silence. 

“Did you enjoy your breakfast.”

“I did, thank you.”

“Kara…” Lena began softly, she wasn’t ready to leave things as they were. She didn’t want Kara to fly out that window and have things go back to how they were before. They could fix this now, years later. Maybe they couldn’t ever be together again but Kara Danvers could be her friend again. 

“I have to go...” Kara blurted out, causing Lena to throw her arms into the air with an exasperated and defeated sigh. “Let me finish. We can talk, okay? Later. People need me. Metallo…”

“Oh.” Lena replied. That was different. “Up, up and away then, Kara.”

Supergirl steeled her face and vanished, faster than a speeding bullet.

 

//

 

The moment Lena had heard that it was Metallo she had gotten in her car and rushed to the D.E.O. because to her knowledge Kara hadn’t fought anyone with access to Kryptonite in years. She also wasn’t at her best emotionally. The only relief she could take was that Kara had slept properly the night before but it wouldn’t matter if she got hit by Metallo’s stupid beam. The moment she arrived she walked past everyone with purpose, even past Alex who caught up quickly, calling for the Luthor the entire time. 

“It’s still here right?” Lena asked as she heard the elder Danvers catch up

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Lena.” Alex replied cautiously.

“No, she might need help, Alex! She’s gone without help this whole time but I got her to open up. It was only a little but if we abandon her again we may never be able to bring her back.” Lena didn’t miss a step, pushing towards her lab. The doors slid open and she made her way towards the back of it. Her retinas were scanned, her fingerprint taken and a large door, her vault, opened. At the very end of it rested Lex’s exo-suit, the one he’d used many times to try and kill Superman. She’d made many changes to it over the years, modified it for her own purposes, purposes she’d never gotten to tell Kara. She wanted to fight alongside Supergirl, as an equal. To show her she could take care of herself. She’d never got the chance.

All around the lab were monitors, each tuned in to the fight, Lena’s assistants watching live footage of Kara’s fight with Metallo. She was doing fine so far. Kara at her peak would have finished the fight already, though. She was doubting herself again. Lena glanced towards Alex, who was obviously torn, and yanked the suit from where it was. 

“I’m going.”

“Fine. But be careful.”

 

//

 

Kara had yanked the car door from its hinges with almost no effort and she held it in front of her as a shield, doing her best to deflect the beams of Kryptonite radiation that Metallo was sending her way. He’d been a man once, now he was mostly machine, unrecognizable. Kara wasn’t even sure he could talk anymore. That didn’t matter though, she had to stop him before someone got hurt. 

She stomped a foot behind her, digging it into the concrete to try and steady herself, holding the makeshift shield ahead of her as much as she could. It was no good though, the beam was steady with no sign of imminently stopping. Kara could already feel herself weakening, her fingertips were getting that telltale green glow glowing through them. Seconds turned to a minute and she was on one knee, the door growing heavier with each passing moment. Soon it was too much for her and while she still could she slammed it downwards, burying it in the concrete like her foot, hoping it would hold long enough for her to get away. She should have fought from further away, she knew this too… She’d just… Forgotten.

Her eyes shut firmly and the door began giving way. It was being pushed back and Kara braced herself to be hit. A direct hit would make her completely powerless, then she would be at Metallo’s mercy. Her mind was racing with possible alternative solutions. She’d be fine though, she always was. She had to be. She had to make up for everything. It was during these thoughts she realized she should have been hit already. The blow never came though. Instead something had hit Metallo from the side, sending him crashing to the ground. 

There she was, saving the day. Lena Luthor. Apparently a freaking superhero now. The suit she wore was definitely Lex’s design, the same idea, perhaps even the same suit. It had been changed though, Lena had modified it so it was less an exo-suit and more of a spandex looking thing that clung to her body, pieces of tech looking like decorations on the green and purple suit. That middle, red piece that powered the suit was one of the few things that remained. Kara understood then it was less of a weapon and more something that turned Lena into a weapon. It had to be, it was the only reason all the weapons would have been removed. 

The following fight with Metallo proceeded much differently. With his beams unable to weaken Lena she was at an advantage. She was nowhere near the power or speed of a Kryptonian but it didn’t matter, it was enough that Krytponite didn’t weaken her. It made all the difference in the world. When she dodged a beam the radiation coming out of it didn’t weaken her. Each narrow miss didn’t make her slower and easier to hit. Metallo never stood a chance, Lena took him down like a pro.

Those beams that had decimated Kara were moved around with grace and beauty and, above all, strength. Lena had been taking martial arts classes too no doubt because she was moving in a way Kara had never seen her move before. This went above and beyond simple self-defense classes, the series of punches and kicks she would land on Metallo whenever she approached were calculated for the maximum amount of damage without killing. Lena took down the villain and made it seem like she’d been doing it for years.

Supergirl pushed herself to her feet once the whole thing was over. She’d been unable to stand during the fight, she’d been too surprised. All she’d been able to do was watch in shock and awe as Lena, poor, human Lena took down someone who’d just put Kara through the wringer. One might expect Kara to be angry or jealous but instead, there was a large amount of pride welling up in her chest. She had nothing to do with Lena’s heroics but she was undoubtedly proud. Most importantly, however, for the first time, she felt like she was starting to understand what Lena had been trying to tell her this whole time. 

The Luthor landed in front of Kara, offering a hand in case Kara wasn’t fully able to stand yet. Kara took it to steady herself. “Are you okay Supergirl?” Lena asked, careful to use Kara’s superhero name. “I thought maybe you could use an assist.”

“Thank you, Miss Luthor.”

Lena swallowed hard, squeezing Kara’s hand. “You’re not going to chastise me for being reckless? No speech about how I put myself in harm’s way?”

“Not this time. You’re the hero this time and I think you should enjoy it.” Kara tried her best to smile, no longer feeling to restful after being around the one thing that could exhaust her. “I can give a speech if you want, though.”

Lena chuckled softly, giving her ex a quick shake of her head. “No, I’ll take the win, I think.”

“Good. I’ll save the speech for next time.” the look on Kara’s face made it very clear how worried she’d been. She was doing her best to repress it though, just let Lena enjoy this. “You look a lot better in that suit than your brother ever did.”

“Are you making a pass at me Supergirl?” 

“Never.” she replied innocently, then began to float off the ground as her powers returned. “Can you fly in that thing?”

“How do you think I got here so fast?” Lena retorted, the jetpacks on the back of her ankles already warming up. Kara flew up and for the first time Lena was right behind her. It was apparent that this was a test, somewhat, Kara was testing her. Lena wasn’t one to lose and she followed Kara with relative ease. The flight didn’t last long, a quick lap around National city, then they landed together on Lena’s balcony. 

Kara’s arms were crossed as she turned towards Lena, the corner of her mouth was twitching slightly. “You saved my life.” was all she could think to say, her emotions in a tizzy because she couldn’t decide how she felt about it. On one hand, it truly had been reckless. Surely Lena had tested the suit in the lab but unless she’d been going out on secret missions or something Kara had no reason to believe this wasn’t the first time she tested it out in the field. If Lena had gotten hurt trying to save her… Kara wasn’t sure what she would have done.

On the other hand there was a certain giddiness to having been saved by Lena, former girlfriend and best friend. All the times Kara had saved her she never thought Lena would save her. Okay, Lena had saved her loads of time but never in such a spectacular fashion, not in the way Kara saved people. It was exciting, reassuring and even a little hot if Kara was being honest with herself. 

“Let’s not be so dramatic,” Lena replied calmly “We both know you would have found a way to prevail. It’s what you do Kara. I do hope this shows you that I don’t always need to be rescued.”

“It does.”

“I know this doesn’t fix everything but when I say something to you, you need to know that I mean it. I wouldn’t lie to you Kara so please take this next portion well, too. You need help.”

Kara shifted uncomfortably. “I-:

“No, you need help. You need to talk to someone, the emotional trauma you suffered was severe. I think it was worse for you because you’re, well, you. I don’t think you knew how to cope with hurting someone the way you did. I think that not dealing has made it far worse than it would have been if you’d dealt with it. Your reactions haven’t been normal since it happened. You shut down, completely, and it’s time to come back. If not for me then for Alex, you mom… For everyone.”

Kara swallowed heavily. “It’s not so easy.”

“I know, sunshine, I know.” Lena cooed, taking a tentative step towards the Kryptonian powerhouse before her and placing a hesitant hand on her shoulder. Kara flinched but did not push her away. “It’s not going to be easy but if you let me I’ll be here for you every step of the way, okay?”

This was it, Lena was reaching out. This was the moment, Kara just had to say yes. She just had to agree to get help Then they could deal with everything else, it would be fine, so long as she admitted she needed it. Lena tried squeezing softly, tried softening her expression as much as she could. Tears began welling in Kara’s eyes and Lena pulled away immediately. If she pushed Kara too hard everything would be for nothing…

Kara understood her gesture and laughed softly, shaking her head as those tears began to spill. “No, it’s not you. It’s just I-” a sob interrupted her words, followed by another laugh. She must look pathetic, crying without warning or explanation. It wasn’t perfect but things seemed better than they ever had. There was a certain cloudiness gone from her head which she could only attribute to finally getting a decent night’s sleep. It was making it easier for her to focus, easier for her to think. She was seeing solutions where there had only been hopelessness before. This wasn’t rocket science either; obviously if one wasn’t sleeping their mind couldn’t operate as well as it could. 

In addition to a night of sleep, it was Lena’s touch that had made her realize that she hadn’t actually had anyone touch her in years. Everything directed towards her had been punches and she’d subconsciously began shunning all forms of interaction. It had been years since she’d felt the gentle embrace of a loved one, or even had a proper hug she didn’t recoil from. That realization coupled with how good Lena’s touch felt was making Kara emotional, to say the least.

“It’s been so long since someone touched me without the intent to kill me.” she managed to get out between that mixture of sobbing and laughter. “It was kind of nice.” she went on, wiping her eyes faster than the tears could form. Then she finally uttered those magic words Lena had been waiting to hear. “I need help, Lena, please, help me…” she hiccuped before a fresh wave of tears began overtaking her. “Help me…”

Lena pulled Kara into a hug, the tightest hug she could manage. With the suit still on Kara was even able to feel it somewhat, feel the pressure as Lena squeezed Kara’s entire body with her arms, shushing and whispering softly. “It’s going to be okay, sunshine, it’ll be fine.” she rocked Kara softly, letting Supergirl crumble into her arms. “We’ll get you help together, I’ll help you. “

“Will we g-get you help too?” 

Of course, Kara was worrying about her too, “Absolutely.”

Eventually, even steel would bend, under too much pressure.


	7. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is too early to release this x_x I wrote it in one go, it took me most of the night again but I guess that's just how I am >_< I hope you al enjoy it anyway.

It had been several weeks since the episode with Lena and for the first time in many years life was looking up for Supergirl and Kara Danvers. As far as her job as Supergirl went, she was beginning to find enjoyment in it again. She no longer felt a crushing sense of obligation, or at the very least her sense of responsibility was not attached to an overwhelming sense of guilt. There were happy moments to be found in helping her city, her home. The smile of a child when she got its cat out of a tree, or the hopeful look on people’s faces when she would drop in to a random rooftop BBQ. Supergirl felt like the crest of her family was finally starting to mean something again, she wasn’t just going through the motions anymore. One shouldn’t misunderstand, it wasn’t perfect.

Still she had trouble sleeping, she still forgot to ate far too often for her own good. She still had trouble accepting help from those around her and though she was working on alleviating some of the guilt for her behaviour over the last few years there was a new sense of guilt as she tried to rekindle old friendships or catch up with family. Supergirl was lucky, to say the least, that even after so long she had such an impressive support system to fall back on. Alex was ecstatic to have Kara back in her life. They got together as often as Kara’s mental state would allow. It was still easy to get overwhelmed; after all, she’d grown used to this unhealthy lifestyle. She’d even seen Eliza, J’onn, Winn and even managed to have dinner with Kal and Lois a couple times. The last few months had been good to Kara. 

They’d been almost just as good to Kara Danvers. Kara had worked hard to regain the same standing she once held in her job at Catco. Too often she had shirked her human responsibilities to go out and be a reluctant superhero. Her reputation had suffered for this and it was when she was finally ready to reach out again that it began to dawn on her that people in the office simply didn’t talk to her anymore. They avoided her completely, in fact. She waited a good three days, not to depress herself but to see how far she’d fallen, before realizing if she didn’t make the first move things weren’t going to change. Everyone was shocked when she started trying to participate in meeting or pitch stories on her own, they were even more surprised when she walked in every morning while greeting everyone she passed. This too wasn’t perfect but it was another good start.

It hadn’t been easy to accept but Lena had truly convinced her to get help. It was easy to say someone needed help but less easy to find the kind of help they need. Kara didn’t even know how to start. Where would one go in order to try and heal from both the initial incident, hurting Lena, and the isolation she’d put herself through. Lena wasn’t exactly sure either but thankfully Alex was prepared. Alex had put Kara in contact with a Psychiatrist that worked at the D.E.O. They specialized in trauma victims, of all kind, and the best part was that Kara didn’t have to lie about who she was. She was able to tell her new doctor that she was Supergirl, which meant she was actually able to properly discuss her problems. This made all the difference in the world because Kara wasn’t convinced she was stable enough to lie to the person who was supposed to be helping her. Her new shrink had been very patient and understanding and had then worked with the D.E.O and Lena to help create something not unlike anti-depressants. Since normal medicine wouldn’t work on Kara they had to come up with something on their own, something for Kara’s obvious depression then something strong enough that would allow her to sleep regularly. These were all just tools to help her though, the real work had to come from Kara herself. She had to start learning to forgive herself, which also meant making amends. Alex had gone through the same thing when she’d given up partying. Not that Kara was an addict, though if she was it was certainly a different kind of addict. Making amends was kind of the part she liked though, it made her feel better to think that she was fixing her relationships.

She’d started with Alex, apologized and tried to do her best to get caught up on Alex’s life. She’d been surprised on how much she’d missed. Next was Eliza, Winn, J’onn and James. Then she’d decided to focus on Kal and Lois. Each conversation usually went the same, with Kara apologizing for her behaviour and acknowledging that she was trying to get better. There was usually a lot of hugging and crying but by the end everyone was happy. Why be sad if Kara was trying to make things better?

All of those had been difficult, to be sure, but not were as difficult as what she was about to do. She’d been supposed to do it weeks ago at this point but continuously found excuses and reasons to delay or cancel. She’d even put this name at the bottom of the list to make sure it would be last. Saving the hardest for last wasn’t always a good strategy but in this case the broken Kryptonian had figured it would give her more time to prepare. It certainly helped that her head was more clear than it had been in years, her meds had kicked in and helped her foul moods and mood swings. Her doctor was trying to help her accept that not everything was her fault and most importantly Kara was actually trying to take it to heart. If she could do all that surely apologizing to Lena would be easy, no?

 

Except it wasn’t.

 

Years of repressing her feelings about Lena, of repressing absolutely anything that had to do with Lena Luthor had taken its toll on Kara’s emotional wellness and had made it far more difficult to think about Lena than anyone else. This all culminated with a sort of revelation, the kind that was obvious to everyone else except for her and possibly Lena. It had taken her doctor saying it, followed by Kara repeating it aloud to make it true, She was still in love with Lena as much as the day she’d kicked the poor girl into that wall. Trying to accept that fact that you had seriously hurt someone, emotionally, not physically, while also realizing you still had feelings for them was one of the most difficult things Kara had needed to cope with. Even up until she realized she was truly, actually going to talk to Lena, finally, she had tried telling herself that her feelings were definitely not as strong as she thought. She told herself this over and over again, hoping it would stick, hoping it was true. Even as she got ready for the evening like this was some kind of date it became a mantra in her head, told repeatedly as she showered. As she put on her undergarments and picked out the nicest dress she owned, a classy little black number that was so unlike her but that Lena had always liked, she whispered it under her breath. As she straightened her hair and fixed her makeup she said it far above a whisper. She wasn’t sure if any of that was healthy at all, she was trying to get rid of her self-destructive behaviour after all, but it felt like herself, it didn’t feel like the other unhealthy behaviour she’d been exhibiting. This felt like a very ‘Kara Zor-El’ thing to do, so she accepted it, told herself she was right and had moseyed off to the restaurant far earlier than necessary to keep telling herself her feelings weren’t that strong there instead of at home.

Then she caught sight of Lena walking up to the table and her stomach sank because she was so, so screwed. With that fog gone, with something resembling self-worth returning to her, seeing Lena had a much stronger effect than it had a few months ago when that stupid kid, who they had yet to hear from, had kickstarted this whole thing. The flashbacks had stopped too so she wasn’t reliving some of the worst moments of her life. This one would probably be one of her best though. Instead of shock and sadness her stomach started doing backflips immediately. As their eyes made contact Kara swallowed back because Lena looked so beautiful, so… delicious, somehow, that she was worried she might drool all over herself. Her heart noticeably sped up and some color rushed to her face. She stood as Lena got closed, tried not to faint as the Luthor smiled at her and offered a hand towards her former fri- towards her current friend. Towards her friend.

Lena stared at it as she set her purse down under her chair, then took the hand and squeezed affectionately. “A handshake?” she asked, both in amusement and curiosity “How formal and unlike you.” she playfully chided.

“Well, I thought I should be polite.” Kara replied, free hand adjusting her glasses up her nose. “It’s really good to see you though, Miss Luthor and you look just… Wow.” as she finished speaking Kara did this weird double-take thing with her head, quickly flushed, cleared her throat, released Lena’s hand and sat down. 

The darker haired woman seemed only to grow more amused “Kara, please. We haven’t gone back to the old days where we’d just met and you refused to address my by my first name. Lena will be fine; besides, if we’re going to use working names everyone in this restaurant might quickly find out who you are.”

“We wouldn’t want that.”

“Absolutely not.”

There was some silence then, a sort of tenseness. Lena sort of knew what to expect, she’d heard of Kara’s conversations with the rest of those close to her. She was doing her best to be patient and not pressure her former lover into speaking too soon. Kara, for her part, seemed to be mostly shuffling, shifting her weight from side to side and looking anywhere except for at Lena directly. Soon water and wine were delivered. Kara couldn’t recall ordering wine but she supposed it make sense that the staff here would know what Lena liked considering she owned the restaurant. 

“A…” Kara paused, hoping to not butcher the name but knowing she would “Cabernet Sauvignon right?” she had known what she wanted to say but the mispronunciation almost made Lena spit her first sip out.

The Luthor dabbed at her mouth lightly before clearing her throat and speaking “Yes. The pronunciation could use a little work but you’re correct. I’ve always wondered how it is you can speak so many languages yet you never mastered saying that.”

“It’s a hard word!” Kara argued, not even realizing how easy it was to fall back into the rhythm of conversation with Lena. No one knew her better, Lena had learned more about her than even Alex when they were dating.

Another pause. “I’m more surprised you remembered my favorite wine in general.” she admitted.

“How could I forget.” Kara breathed out nervously. “I pretended like I never thought about you, believed it too. The truth is that I thought about you all the time though.”

“All the time?”

“Everything I did was either a way to not think about you or to try and think about you only in a specific way. I wanted… So badly to believe you were happy that I deceived myself into thinking you were.”

“Without realizing that I wanted you to be happy too?” There was no judgement in Lena’s voice this time, not like a few months ago. This time it was just curiosity and a newfound understanding for what Kara had been through. 

“I thought I was.” Kara whispered, staring down at the too-white tablecloth, realizing she was fidgeting with it. She’d developed something akin to anxiety over the last few years but she was getting over it quickly though. “I know you probably don’t understand but I had really made myself believe that I was fine.”

“But you know now that you weren’t?” 

“Yes, Rao, yes!” she replied a little too enthusiastically “I realize now that I was more miserable than I’d ever been and that at some point it wasn’t even about protecting myself anymore. I shut myself off to hurt myself and everyone around me. That and… Because I hurt you.” she kept eye contact with Lena, even while the shame threatened to take her. “Lena, I am so- Please, let me finish - I am so sorry for how I hurt you. I’m sorry I left you there after. I’m sorry I never explained myself. I really am. Not too long ago you forced me to realize that you were hurting too and I never even realized…”

“Kara, it’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“It wasn’t.”

“But it is now?”

“It is.” 

The conversation was fast, each woman replying as though they already knew both what the other was going to say and what they themselves wanted to respond next. “Why is it okay now but it wasn’t before?”

“Because we wanted the same thing,” Lena responded easily enough, smile so wide you could see her teeth, perfect and white. “It’s okay now because you’re getting help so I know that even if you’re not happy right now you’re working to get there. That’s all I wanted.”

“I’m happier.” Kara forced the admission, still having trouble accepting whether or not she should be happy. “Sometimes not so happy but right now? At this exact moment…” Her words slowed, she was drawing out the conversation on purpose, trying to stop herself from saying something embarrassing and cheesy. “I’m really happy.” she finished, far too emotionally, sounding almost like she might cry.

Lena didn’t call her out on it though, instead, she just nudged her chair forward and reached for one of Kara’s hand. The blonde initially pulled away, looking so much like the frightened, broken girl she’d been upon their reunion but then she inched it forward, back under Lena’s protective touch. 

“Thank you, Lena.’

“And thank you.”

Kara wasn’t sure what she’d done to deserve that and their conversation was far from over. Before she could ask anything related to the thank you though she nearly flew out of her chair in surprise as a third voice came out of nowhere.

“Perhaps you need more time with the menu?” 

Lena didn’t jump at all, because she was Lena. “No, Sebastian, you can begin bringing what we discussed.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

“Wait, what?” Kara was even more confused. 

“You think I didn’t know you’d pick this restaurant? Kara, I placed our order well in advance.”

“You remembered too?”

“I remember everything.”

From than moment, Kara was done for. The rest of the dinner proceeded wonderfully, without any further mention of past transgressions or pain. Instead it was filled with smiling, with a lot of laughter, with actual joy and connection. It was only when dessert had come, and Lena was feeling just the tiniest bit tipsy (but still very much aware and capable of making decisions) that it hit Kara how much this felt like a date. That wasn’t the only thing. The electricity as they both reached for the spoon to eat the brownie they were meant to be sharing was a surefire sign that something was there, between them and at that moment both women knew it too, if only from the look in each others’ eyes.

Kara was the first to move, pulling her hand away. “Lena this…”

“Feels like a date?”

Kara shifted uncomfortably “Yes, it does. I don’t know if-”

Lena sighed, sitting back straight up and at first Kara thought it was annoyance but Lena’s face didn’t seem annoyed at all. Instead it seemed thoughtful and when the Luthor finally broken the brief silence she sounded remorseful. ‘I promised myself I’d keep my emotions in check tonight but it seems that that’s a little more difficult than I anticipated. I know the last thing you need during this moment of recovery is any kind of pressure, romantic or otherwise.”

The almost robotic statement made Kara smile “How many times did you practice that before coming here tonight?”

Lena giggled, actually giggled, before responding “Once or twice.:

“Only?”

“Maybe a few more.”

“So you want this to be a date?”

Now it was Lena’s turn to shift uncomfortably. “I do.” she admitted in a hushed whisper. “But I understand why it can’t be. I like to think that one day it could be but before you say anything, sunshine…” This time hearing her old nickname almost made Kara cry right then and there. “Because I can tell the idea of dating me is preposterous in your head, still, can you ask yourself something for me?”

Kara nodded.

“Is the idea of dating me so ridiculous because you don’t have feelings for me or is it because you’re scared you’re going to hurt me again?”

That was the easiest question Kara had been asked all night. “The second one.”

“What if you knew for sure you’d never hurt me like that again?”

Another easy one “I’d kiss you right now.” and though it was easy to stay it still surprised Kara that she’d said it outloud, because she hadn’t paused to consider the answer before uttering it. “But we can’t guarantee that, not while I’m…” A quick glance around the restaurant reminded Kara that she was in public “not while I’m me. I can not see you like that because of something I did again, Lena. I can’t. I’m not going to put you in the hospital again.”

“You won’t.” There was no uncertainty in her voice, it was a statement of fact for Lena.

“How can you know that? How?”

“Because I trust you.”

“But I don’t trust myself and neither should you. You’re a woman of science, Lena Luthor, and all the evidence to the past points to a pattern.”

Lena raised a finger to hush her potential date before she could get anymore absurd. “You choose to see only the evidence you want. Once you hurt me so bad that I needed medical attention, only once over a long period of time. I know that your response would be something about how it would only take once to kill me but that once happened and I’m still here. Second of all I trust you for the same reasons I always have. I know you won’t hurt me now the same way I knew you wouldn’t hurt me that night in my apartment a few months ago. I’d like to point out you were a lot more unsteady back then too.”

Kara’s hand was seeking out Lena’s this time, she wanted the comfort and the proof that she wouldn’t crush Lena’s hand beyond recognition. Her face turned white though as she felt an all too familiar sensation creep up on her. She was going to have a flashback episode. Lena recognized it too because she grabbed Kara’s hand hard, hoping to tether her to the present. To her.

 

//

 

This time wasn’t like the others. Kara didn’t feel out of control or tired and she wondered whether it was because of the healing she’d already done or if this was a different kind of flashback. The second theory seemed the most plausible because Kara was overtaken with an immense sense of calm, something she couldn’t remember feeling. Not for a long time. She also wasn’t tethered to one memory but instead she seemed to be going through various flashes of her and Lena’s relationship. Each one seemed to be there only to prove one of Lena’s earlier points, something she’d said years and months ago: That Kara worked herself up about hurting Lena so much that that was why she ended up unable to control her powers.

First she was treated to several images of her saving Lena. Whether it be from gunfire or from falling or from any number of things, in each scenario Kara grabbed Lena and yanked her out of the way, or tackled her down. Basically Kara saved her without leaving so much as a bruise against Lena’s skin. Then she witnessed something similar with more tender moments. When she was too sleep to worry about hurting Lena but she’d pull her in close to cuddle anyway, or when Lena had slipped on a mess Kara had made in the kitchen and Kara had yanked her up by the wrist without hearing the snap she so dreaded. Then the memories took her through more passionate moments, when lips came together and tongues danced for dominance. When her hands wandered Lena, as she held back, never enjoying herself as much as she wanted to but ensuring her safety. Except now, not blinded by her own unreliable memories, seeing it from a different point of view, she could see that on the moments she gave in and truly pawed at her girlfriend’s body she didn’t hurt her It was thinking about it that was causing the damage…

 

//

 

When Kara left the memory this time it wasn’t like she was violently yanked out and she wasn’t left feeling sad and helpless. Instead she felt like she’d realizing things she should have a long time ago. She should have listened to Lena and the calm she’d felt while seeing all those memories play out remained. Lena was still there holding her hand, looking concerned. Kara’s blue optics glanced down at Lena’s hand, which she was squeezing. 

“I didn’t crush it?” she asked, sounding almost childlike.

“You didn’t crush it.” Lena confirmed, raising her hand and wiggling her fingers as proof. “I told you Kara, you won’t hurt me.”

Kara took a shaky breath. She still had so much work to do, she still had so many things she had to work out about herself and even though nothing she was about to do was absolutely detrimental to her helping herself, only rarely did it ever actually help. Weighing the risk of damaging herself mentally again against the chance of maybe being happy again was a tough one but she was Supergirl after all. The girl of steel. She could do anything. 

“I’ve missed you so much…” she whispered, finally. The last bit of the barrier that had remained around her heart shattered with those words and she felt tears begin to well in her eyes. “I’ve missed you so much and I’m trying not to cry because I worked really hard on this makeup and I don’t want to ruin it but I’ve missed you so freaking much, Lena. I’ve felt so broken and so alone because the night I broke you broke me more than anything I could have ever done to you.” she sniffled at the end.

“Oh, baby…” Lena whispered, hoping it was soothing and not as silly as it sounded. “I never wanted you to be alone.”

“I made myself be alone but I don’t want to be alone anymore. I never stopped loving you, Lena, not once. Even if I made myself believe I did…”

“I don’t doubt that.” Lena felt more alive than she had in a very long time. This entire dinner with Kara was affecting her just as much as it was the blonde, causing feelings buried deep to resurface; or perhaps they’d never been buried that deep to begin with. That seemed more plausible.

“Maybe we could talk about-” It was faint, just barely audible but she could hear it and she sighed. 

“Maybe we could talk about?” It wasn’t like Lena to sound hopeful but she did. 

“I’m so sorry Lena I have to go.” Kara seemed genuinely shattered, concerned she’d hurt Lena’s feelings and brought everything to a screeching halt. 

“Oh,” Lena replied softly “I understand.”

“No, you don’t!” Kara blurted out far too loudly, causing other tables to turn towards them. She’d have to be flustered about it later because Lena was already getting up with the intention of leaving. “Someone… Needs my help. I can meet you at home though and we can keep talking, maybe?” now it was Kara’s turn to sound hopeful.

Lena just smiled. “I’d like that.” 

“I’ll see you then.”

As Kara walked by she allowed the tips of her fingers to brush Lena’s shoulder. By the time Lena turned around Kara had already made it outside and vanished, off to save the day.

 

//

The initial factor that had pulled her away had been resolved in mere minutes. A car crash wasn’t exactly difficult for Kara to handle. It was pure luck that no one was hurt though, not seriously anyway. The problem came after, it was just a series of small events that had piled up to the point where Kara was distracted for several hours. The final event, a large fire, was televised so she hoped Lena saw it and knew that she wasn’t trying to avoid their planned meetup. Kara waited several minutes, listening for anything that the police couldn’t handle but finding nothing she made her way to Lena’s apartment, landing on the balcony. She briefly considered just walking in but that felt inappropriate. She knocked lightly and Lena was at the door in moments. She was still dressed in her attire from dinner, so basically nothing short of perfect. Kara on the other hand was in her Supergirl uniform and probably smelled like smoke… but it was time to start keeping her word, the way she would have before her life had gone to shit.

“Kara,” Lena began pleasantly “I wasn’t sure if you would make it. I saw on the news that you’d gotten quite busy.”

“I promise I wasn’t using those things as an excuse to not show up.” Kara responded quickly.

“I wasn’t accusing. I honestly understand. I always did.”

Kara sighed in relief. “Thank you, Lena. Can I come in? I don’t really want to be left on your balcony. Someone might see me.”

“Oh, of course!” Lena moved to the side, allowing Kara through and shutting the door behind her. “Do you want to sit? Can I offer you a drink, Supergirl? I know you can’t get drunk but perhaps the action of drinking itself will help calm your nerves?”

“Do I have something to be nervous about?”

“I don’t know, Supergirl. That depends what you came to talk about.”

“I don’t even know that myself, Lena. It’s complicated.” Kara was rocking back and forth on her feet, boots squeaking so low that Lena wouldn’t even be able to hear them, only a Kryptonian’s extra sensitive hearing would catch the faint noise. “I just want to talk. I’ve spent so long not talking.”

“You feel like there should be so much for us to say.” A fact, not a question.

“Yeah, shouldn’t it be easy? Just to talk?”

“It’s quite the opposite,” Lena said, moving past Kara to pick up the drink she’d been nursing. A small sip finished it and she placed it down with that distinct clink. “The more you care about someone the harder you make it for yourself to speak with them, in my experience.”

“I just want things to go back.”

“I don’t.” Lena responded, brow furrowed as she approached Kara, placing both hands on either of her shoulders. The look of hurt on Kara’s face was immediate to Lena went on with her explanation. “Would you really want to go back to feeling afraid all the time? Do you want to go back to spending all your time worrying about when you’re going to break me next?”

Kara understood then. “No I-... I guess not.”

“Precisely. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be happy, with or without me. I don’t want you to spend your time worrying about something that isn’t going to happen.” Lena squeezed both of Kara’s shoulders to make her points. “Ever.”

Kara inhaled sharply and Rao from this distance she could smell Lena’s shampoo. The Luthorcorp owner still used the same one as she did back then. The scent filled Kara’s nostrils and brought immediate feelings of comfort and relief, almost made her a little sleepy, made her entire head tingle pleasantly, better than any alcohol. “You can’t know that.” she whispered, eyes shutting against her will 

“Now you’re just repeating yourself.” 

Lena was right, Kara was repeating herself, acting like she’d used to. This was something she had been warned against, something she was meant to keep track of. Something she should look out for and try to correct if she noticed it, except how was she supposed to correct that? It was something she truly believed so what was she supposed to do. “I know I am. I’m trying not to but,” she inhaled sharply. “Everything that’s happened has led me to believe that it will happen, because it has happened.”

“That was a self-fulfilling prophecy, darling. The moment you stop worrying about it is the moment that it’ll stop happening.” Lena sounded so sure of herself, she was so convinced that she was right. 

“I want to believe that.”

“Believe me.”

Lena raised a hand and pressed her palm to Kara’s cheek, basically squeezing Kara’s cheek and hoping that she would feel it through her tough skin. She knew that Kara was still capable of feeling soft touches, she just really wanted to make sure. This was important, she needed to reach Kara. It was finally the time. She stepped forward and pressed her forehead to Kara’s. 

When Lena breathed out Kara was hit with a strong smell of peppermint, her eyes had remained closed this entire time. The closer Lena got the more Supergirl felt like she should retreat, hide. Her arms were pressed firmly to her side, fists closed tightly. She was so scared that if she opened her eyes she’d be back in her apartment, that the last couple of months would have been a dream and she wasn’t actually trying to get better, that she was still the broken girl refusing help and that this was a sick cosmic joke. Except it wasn’t.

Lena was inching forward, and Kara could hear Lena’s heartbeat. It was speeding up, considerably. Everytime it seemed like she was about to eliminate that final inch between them she pulled away, always with her mouth almost fully coming into contact with Kara’s lips. It got most infuriating when she could feel them brush, ever so slightly, only to pull away without a kiss. Each time that happened a high pitched noise escaped her, something akin to a whine but not quite. A combination of want and frustration. “Lena,”

“Do you trust me?”

Lena worded it that way but Kara knew what she was really asking. She wasn’t asking Kara if she trusted Lena, not really. She was asking Kara if she could trust herself because Lena did. She wanted to see if Kara could, once again, take that leap of faith and believe in herself. She was asing Kara to trust that she wouldn’t break Lena, not again. That was a lot to consider, because if Kara said yes for the wrong reasons then they would end up back at square one. Lena held such hope in her however, so when she finally uttered her response she knew she meant it for real. “Yes.”

“Then kiss me.”

That was it! Lena needed it to be Kara who took that final inch, that forward and back was nothing but tantalizing her, trying to essentially seduce her into that kiss, trying to break down her willpower to resist and Rao was it ever working. Kara gave in, the next time that Lena came in her mouth parted ever so slightly and she pecked Lena’s mouth, then immediately pulled away, just for a brief instant. The kiss had worked because Lena stopped moving. She stayed there, and even with her eyes closed Kara could basically feel Lena’s mouth curve up into a smile. 

“You call that a kiss?” she whispered.

Kara leaned in again, another soft peck, followed by another and another. Each one a test of her self control, making sure she could reliably control her movements as to not hurt Lena. Minutes of pecks evolved and soon they were kissing, kissing for real and Rao… Years of emotional starvation were making the experience that much more emotional and meaningful for Supergirl. She needed this, needed to feel like someone cared for her, she needed to know that she wasn’t the monster she had made herself out to be. She barely even realized when Lena threw her arms around Kara’s neck, nor did she realize that Lena was suddenly that much closer, her body pressed tightly to Kara’s own. Their lips continued to play together, mashing against in each other both finding sweet bliss in the nostalgic feeling of their unique kisses; because, after all, there was nothing like kissing Kara. Everyone thought her nickname, sunshine, came from the fact that she got her powers from the sun, or her blonde hair. The truth was Lena had came up with it to describe the taste of Kara’s mouth, something so uniquely Kara that it never could have been replicated. It was fresh and easy, pleasant and Lena would swear that Kara’s mouth was warm somehow, ironic considering she had the ability of freeze breath. It was something she could only describe as kissing the sun, hence, sunshine.

Kara was much better at holding her breath than Lena and soon the human needed to breathe, regrettably for both parties. The blonde’s head tilted to the side and her blue eyes squinted slightly. She was scanning Lena’s face, looking for any sign that she had overstepped or done something wrong. Instead she found that Lena seemed quite happy, which made it easier to discuss her feelings. “I was so scared that you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

“Kara, I’ve never not wanted you. I always felt like one of our problems was I wanted you too much.”

“That’s not true. I just… Didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I suppose we both handled things poorly. I’m sorry if I ever pressured you.”

“No, Lena. I wanted to try as well, I just didn’t know how…”

 

//

 

Then Kara was in a memory again. Her and Lena were kissing, so, so intensely. Just like they had been moments before, just like they would be years from the moment that Kara was reliving. They were all mouth and tongues and Lena was roaming hands while Kara tried her best to keep her hands tangled in the sheets with Lena on top of her. Kara was reliving it but instead of what she was feeling back then, she was feeling some of the things she’d felt back then but that she had been repressing in her worry. Some outside force, probably whatever was triggering these memories, was pushing away the worry she’d felt back then and bringing forward only her desire for Lena. Had Kara forgotten how bad she’d wanted to be intimate with Lena? Or had she repressed it so much she never even realized. She remembered this night but she couldn’t remember it for what it should have been anymore. She remembered it as a failure, as a night that led to disappointment for Lena. Except… Being able to pay attention, trapped in this memory, Lena hardly looked disappointed, even though Kara was worried she was going to cringe as the memory went on.

Still, she melted away into the memory. Lena’s skin was so smooth, so flawless. She’d already built up a thin layer of sweat which left her body glistening in the soft light that illuminated their bedroom. Her hair, which was usually kept in a perfect bun was left a complete mess, disheveled. They’d been simply making out for almost an hour now, trying to get Kara ready for what they’d had planned that night. Both women were topless, though only Lena was sweaty, a side effect of being super. Lena was just finishing catching her breath and she trailed her tongue along Kara’s throat, all the way up to her ear. She bit it roughly, which would equate to only a playful nip for Kara. The Kryptonian gasped and bucked her hips, her eyes shooting open to make sure Lena was okay.

“I’m okay, you didn’t send me through the roof darling.” Lena couldn’t help but giggle, lightly biting Kara’s bottom lip. She tugged on it with her teeth before releasing it. She was enjoying watching Kara squirm, the poor reporter wasn’t used to being in such a situation. Even though she couldn’t sweat, Lena knew that if the alien under here were able to she’d be drenched in sweat by now. “It’s okay, darling…”

Kara’s vision went fuzzy

 

//

 

“... It’s okay, darling.” 

Kara blinked. The same words, the same tone. Was someone messing with her memories? No… Lena truly had said that back then just like she was saying it now. The feelings were reversed though. Kara was being cautious, even overly so as she always was but that wasn’t the main thing she was feeling. This time she was overwhelmed with arousal, Lena was pushing all the right buttons, buttons she’d never gotten to explore or really, truly have pushed because of all the concern she’d kept at the forefront of her head. She squeezed her thighs together, shocked to find a wet, sticky heat between them.

“Kara? You’re spacing out. I’m sorry, do you want me to stop? I understand this might be too soon for you.”

The blonde carefully considered Lena’s words. This was definitely too soon. This probably wasn’t Kara’s brightest idea. She was still in recovery, she was still in therapy trying to understand the extent of her trauma and her emotional scars. This had to potential to setback and ruin everything but did it really matter when being bad felt so good. For once she wanted to be bad, she wanted to give in. Just a little. If she were careful it would be okay. Lena trusted her and Kara trusted Lena.

“Yeah, I’m okay, just… Be careful, Lena, please. I don’t-”

“Want to hurt me. You won’t. Arms up.”

Kara complied immediately, raising both of her arms up effortless though the question as to why remained. Her blue, innocent eyes blinked as she tried to decipher Lena’s intentions, which the darker haired woman made no effort to hide. She kept her body pressed to Kara’s, so close Kara had no trouble feeling Lena’s chest pressed to her own, the Luthor’s sweet, warm breath was tickling Kara’s throat. Pale hands trailed up the dark blue of Kara’s suit, thumbs scarcely touching the emblem on Kara’s chest. They moved past Kara’s heaving chest though and hooked her fingers under the straps that kept Supergirl’s cape in place. She snapped it off, the sound startling Kara to the point that she inhaled. Her arms remained up though. The cape bundled on the floor behind Kara, no longer serving a purpose. A long leg went between Kara’s and kicked the cape away.

“You won’t be needing that anymore, sunshine.” 

“I won’t?” Kara replied in a small voice.

“No, not unless you decide you want me to stop anything I’m doing. Then we can put the cape back on and order chinese food.” Each word was carefully delivered directly into Kara’s ear, Lena’s warm tongue was there to help Kara understand, so Lena told herself. Really she just wanted her tongue anywhere on Kara’s skin. She’d been wanting it for years, after all.

“That does sound tempting…”

“Kara!”

“I- Weren’t you taking my clothes off?” she retorted quickly. Lena blinked in shock but nodded. Lena pressed her palms flat against Kara’s shoulders and she began sliding them down, this time they trailed over Supergirl’s breasts unabashed. She didn’t grope, yet, though she did put a bit of pressure. Kara’s breasts were firm in response, perky and pressing valiantly against the skin tight top she wore as Supergirl. This lasted only a moment before Lena continued her downward trail. Her hands shifted, fingers pointing downwards and those same digits traveled under the yellow part of Kara’s skirt, gripping the hem of the top. 

“I’d like to take this off, Supergirl,” Lena began making a point to hold Kara’s gaze. “If you’re uncomfortable with that I’d like to know because there’s absolutely no pressure here. One step at a time and I promise you won’t hurt me, so with that being said, may I?”

Supergirl swallowed nervously and shut here eyes again. She embraced the sudden darkness and the silence Lena offered her. She processed Lena’s question, trying to decide if she was ready, and nodded. “You may.”

Lena was undoubtedly pleased with Kara’s response, judging from the smile on her face. Lena too was remembering the last time her and Kara had been together like this, how long it had been since they’d been together. It was so strange, both because it had been so long since they’d tried to be intimate but also because it felt like almost no time had passed. For Lena this just felt right, watching Kara bluster and grow flustered under her touch and kisses, making the blonde squirm, trying to reassure her that everything would be okay and that she should simply give in. Which brought Lena’s focus back to her task.

Her fingers, calloused from all the work she did in her lab, nestled themselves under the hem of Kara’s top. The Kryptonian’s skin was always at a neutral kind of temperature, her toned muscles combined with that fact made Kara seem almost like she was made of chiseled marble. It was always a pleasant sensation to be nestled against her with no clothing, especially in the warmer summer months. Lena slowly rolled the top up, exposing a delicious expanse of skin. Lena took her time, reveling in the reddening cheeks of the superheroine before her. It wasn’t long before the rolled up fabric was approaching the curve of Kara’s breasts. Lena paused to ask “You’re still okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Just… No sudden movement. Be careful, alright?”

“I promise.” 

It was one of the most important promises Lena had ever made. If she wanted to show Kara that this could work she needed to show the blonde that nothing would happen. With Kara’s consent she inched the costume the rest of the way up, eyes focusing on Kara’s full, too perky breasts. Kara had always had a perfect body, stripping her down was a painful, arousing reminder of that. She finished the rest of the top a little faster, eager to have it completely off of Kara’s body. She pulled the entire thing up the length of Kara’s arms and threw it towards the already discarded cape. Then her hands were on Kara again, over her shoulders and along her arms ending with taking both of Kara’s hands in her own and stepping backwards. She walked slowly, leading Kara with her towards the couch, circling the hero as though she were prey. “I’m going to push you on to the couch now.” Lena said, raising a brow.

Kara nodded, she had brought her arms up to cover her chest the moment that Lena had released her arms. One hand was coyly pressed to Kara’s mouth and she was chewing upon one of her fingers, something to distract her mind. Her elbows angled in such a way as to keep her breasts hidden from Lena’s view. When the Luthor pushed her she allowed it to happen, knowing Lena would never budge her without Kara allowing it. She landed to the couch without much fuss, still doing her best to remain covered. Lena was slow to climb on top of her, making sure to not surprise Kara. The darker haired woman’s thighs straddled Kara’s hips and soon enough their mouths were together again. 

Their tongues engaged in a slow waltz, this time there was no fight. Instead the slippery muscles worked together as a team, almost like they were each trying to massage the other. Soft, pleasured noises escaped both women in varying tones and intensity but it was impossible to tell whom exactly they came from. It all melted together in a chorus of pleasure. 

Kara was burning up. The emotional starvation she’d inflicted upon herself just made every single one of Lena’s affectionate kisses, each touch, incredibly intense. Supergirl never would have even realized how badly she needed to be loved, like a normal person, if it weren’t for Lena reminding her just of that. She was losing herself in her ex’s (or were they back together now?) caresses, so happy to give in for once. She was on fire, her blood was boiling in a way not even a trip to Earth’s core could cause. Her entire body was aching, crying out for Lena and whatever she could do to appease that feeling of need that was quickly building up in Kara’s core. Between her thighs, she could feel the heat grow. The shorts she wore under her skirt would no doubt be stained by now and the idea of Lena seeing such a thing only made Kara more embarrassed than she already was. Which was a lot, especially since she definitely, probably, shouldn’t be doing any of this.

 

But fuck, it just felt so good…

 

When their mouths separated again Kara leaned her head back, resting the back of it to the couch with a shaky sigh. Lena took the opportunity to have her hot mouth trail along Kara’s jaw, leaving wet, hot open-mouthed kisses. Lena was quick to shift her focus to Kara’s neck, she licked, sucked, and bit at the side of Kara’s throat. Part of her hoped to leave a mark, knowing it was nothing short of impossible. It didn’t stop her from trying though and Kara delighted in Lena’s attempts. Lena’s lips were scorching Kara’s skin, trailing molten fire along every inch they passed over. It was when Lena started moving lower though that things began to really heat up.

Kara’s thighs began parting without her knowledge, a subconscious reveal of her desire. Lena was at her breasts now, licking along the curve of them. When her tongue located Kara’s nipple, the poor Kryptonian wasn’t quite prepared. She yelped as she felt the warmth around the sensitive bud, which had already grown hard from Lena’s earlier ministrations. Lena’s tongue just circled Kara’s areola. Kara’d always been so scared of letting Lena’s mouth on her body, worried she’d react too strongly and hurt her. Her concerned definitely weren’t unfounded judging by how Lena’s tongue was in the process of lighting her entire body on fire. It continued to circle the nipple, which started to ache for attention too and just when Kara was willing to cave in and ask Lena to do… something, the Luthor delivered. Her hot mouth clamped over Kara’s nipple and knowing the Kryptonian could handle it she bit down on the sensitive pink bud. Her hand was working on Kara’s other breast, squeezing at the surprisingly malleable globe, fingers digging in as she rubbed her palm into Kara’s other nipple. The Luthor started sucking and Kara’s mouth formed an ‘o’ and she mewled, like a very, very satisfied kitten. Her back was arching ever so slightly, as though she were trying to push her chest further into Lena’s mouth. 

Lena took her time, groping at the beautiful superheroine, squeezing every inch of enjoyment she could from playing with Kara’s tits. By the time she was ready to move on, her tongue forming a trailer down Kara’s abdomen, down her toned abs, Kara was already kind of a mess. The Girl of Steel had goosebumps, possibly for the first time ever, and every hair on her body was standing on end. It was funny for Lena to think that Kara was already reacting like this and they hadn’t even reached the good part. She nibbled at the waistband of Kara’s skirt, to bring attention to where she was exactly. At some point she’d gotten off of Kara and knelt in front of the couch and Supergirl had never even noticed, so lost in her own head and trying to enjoy herself. 

Lena scooched backwards a little, looking up at Kara with a look that was far too alluring for its own good, Lena’s gaze alone putting all sorts of wonderfully filthy images into Kara’s mind. “Raise your leg.” Lena asked, though in truth it almost, kind of, sounded like a demand.

“Like this…?” Kara replied hesitantly, unbending her knee until her leg was pointed straight ahead. She watched with confusion as Lena placed Kara’s ankle upon her shoulder, noticed that quick glance the Luthor made between Kara’s legs, and sighed as she felt Lena’s mouth on her body again. Lena was bent at a somewhat awkward angle, Her mouth was just a little above Kara’s knee, where the leather of her boots ended. 

“No stockings, huh? It’s like you knew you’d be cumming.” 

Kara just flushed crimson, like her cape.She hadn’t thought of that, hadn’t done it on purpose. She didn’t always wear her stockings. She couldn’t think about it too much anyway though because Lena was unhurriedly sliding the boot of her leg. Her mouth was on each newly exposed inch of skin instantly, trailing right behind the boot with soft kisses, rough bites and tantalizing licks. She stopped and Kara’s ankle and yanked the boot off with a sudden yank, making Kara gasp.

“Oh, shit!” Lena cursed, “That wasn’t too sudden was it?” it was obvious Lena didn’t care if she ruined the mood, so long as she made sure Kara was okay, comfortable and safe. This brought a strange warmth to Kara and she wiggled her toes, now free, as her ankle still remained on Lena’s shoulder. “No, it’s fine. I-I promise…” her breathing was a little more intense than usual but other than that she was doing fine. Her fingers had definitely dug through Lena’s sofa but Supergirl couldn’t bring herself to give a fuck at that exact moment.

“So I should do the other one?” Lena grinned as Kara nodded.

Lena began the same process she’d just used on Kara’s first boot, except somehow she took even longer the second time. Maybe that was just because Kara was expecting it now, because she craved Lena’s mouth on her. The blonde raised her arms and put them behind her bed and when she felt the boot come off, as easily as the first, she wiggled those toes too. Then she squealed because Lena had licked her fucking sole! 

“Hey!” Kara’s eyes shot open as she sat up a little straighter, glaring accusingly. “You know I’m ticklish! That was pretty sudden too!” she added the warning as an afterthought. She didn’t struggle though as Lena nuzzled her foot, pressing delicate kisses along her toes, it was strange so Kara just had to ask “What are you doing?”

“Showing you that I love you from your head all the way to your toes.” Lena replied as though the answer should be obvious. She didn’t even blink, hadn’t even had to think about her answer. She said it with such ease and casualness didn’t she know what she’d just said was enough that Kara felt like she was going to cry. The Kryptonian had to blink a couple times to make sure she wouldn’t actually cry, 

“You can’t just… Say stuff like that to me, Lena.”

“Why not?” Lena asked, her tongue was out and it seemed to be trying to lick every inch of Kara’s leg. Lena was even holding that leg up, as though it were some sort of delicious treat as she slathered it with her tongue. As she got ever closer to Kara’s thighs she would suck and by the time she reached Kara’s inner thigh, with her head partially hidden by Kara’s skirt, she bit and Kara’s hips rocked into nothingness, her core clenching with need. “It’s true.” she added when she was done teasing, slowly standing from where she’d been on the ground. Kara was confused again but didn’t trust herself to speak so she just watched as Lena straddled one of her knees. 

“Lena are you about to…” those words trailed off, Kara didn’t want to say it, not so explicitly “With your fingers?”

“Yeah.” 

“That didn’t work so well last time…”

 

//

 

As soon as she said it Kara was brought back to that exact moment. She was so wet, so ready, Rao she wanted Lena so bad. The Luthor had stripped her down and was laying beside her, a leg strewn over Kara like it could somehow keep her pinned to the bed if she decided to fly away. It couldn’t, of course, but Lena liked to pretend it could. She remembered this so vividly too, remembered Lena trailing fire over her back then just like she was doing in the present. She’d spent literal hours getting Kara ready and they were both finally convinced that she was, in fact, ready. Her fingers were playing at Kara’s core, strumming her nether lips and begging for access to the cave of wonders between them. When Kara finally gave that nod Lena tried to push a couple of fingers inside of her, only to be met with resistance. She frowned and tried again with more pressure, eliciting a loud moan out of Kara. Still, though, her fingers were unable to breach Kara’s core. Everytime Lena tried Kara was tensing her muscles, tightening her vaginal muscles without meaning to so much that Lena was unable to get in. 

“Alright, I got it this time, darling.” Lena assured her. True to her promise she readied her fingers and… Kara remembered what happened next. Back then Lena had tried to push her fingers in a lot harder than she should have. She got in but they were crushed immediately after. Kara’s vagina had literally broken Lena’s fingers. The Luthor had been insistent they should try again but the mood had been ruined for Kara, of course. That was back then though, this time…

 

//

 

Kara had lost track of the present again, caught in her memory she probably hadn’t been able to tell Lena was still working on her.. She wasn’t sure if the memory had ended normally or if it was Lena that had yanked her back to reality with the fact that she’d succeeded in getting two fingers into Kara. Two of those beautiful, pale, dainty fingers had managed to breach Kara’s entrance and push into her, all the way to Lena’s knuckles. Kara had masturbated before, obviously, but this was wholly different. Everything was amplified. Whether it was because it was someone else’s fingers or because it was Lena’s fingers was left for debate. All Kara knew was that she felt fuller than she ever had while pleasuring herself. There was a faint screaming in the distance and she wondered if someone was in trouble, except that when she got over the initial shock of having Lena’s fingers inside of her she realized it was her. She was screaming as the pleasure raced through her veins, like she’d been electrocuted with pleasure.

Lena, ever the patient lover, had stopped moving entirely the moment she’d gotten her fingers deep within Kara. She wiggled them experimentally to see how Kara would react and was not disappointed. The blonde wiggled her hips and released a low, guttural growl. Her toes had curled by this point and she seemed to be rocking into Lena’s hand, trying to coax more pleasure out of the still digits. Everything was momentarily pushed aside but Kara regained enough composure to ask, realizing where Lena’s fingers were properly now, if Lena was okay.

“Lena! Your fingers are-”

“Inside you? Yes.” she wiggled them again and Kara whimpered, hips raising again.

“Are you okay? Your hand isn’t hurt is it?”

“If I say no will you let me finish?”

“I- yes… As long as you’re okay. As long as you’re- Fuck!” Lena had twitched her hand while Kara spoke, sending a shockwave through Kara’s entire body, her inhumanly tight cunt not used to being given any attention. 

Lena’s brow quirked at the swearing. “Such a filthy mouth, Supergirl. What if your adoring fans heard you swearing like that?

Poor Kara’s face reddened even more if that were possible. All the blood in her body seemed to be split between two different destinations. Half of the blood had rushed south, rushing to her genitals. Her labia and clitoris were definitely swelling and she could feel the heat off of Lena’s thumb, so close to the little bundle of nerves. The other half had rushed to her face and Kara pointedly looked away. She chose to remain silent, even as her legs parted to give Lena better access. The Luthor was practically looming over her, and Kara couldn’t believe she’d lived long enough to see the day a Luthor would be dominating a Kryptonian. 

Lena leaned down because if Kara didn’t want her to see her face she would respect that. She couldn’t ignore such an obvious target when Kara presented it to her though. She moaned such a filthy sound directly into Kara’s ear, jolting the hero which of course shook Lena’s fingers inside of her, which in turn made Kara do that absolutely perfect yelp/moan Lena had just discovered. “You’re tight, Kara.” Lena started to move her fingers, finally. She pulled them out completely, dangling them between her and Kara. “They’re soaked!” she sounded almost accusing. 

Kara risked a glance just as Lena shoved the fingers into her mouth to suck them clean. She watched and listened with a slack jaw as Lena licked and sucked her fingers completely clean, the lewdest sounds Kara had ever heard were released by Lena as she sucked her essence off of her fingers. “Lena…” she whispered, her thighs were trembling and without Lena’s fingers between her thighs anymore she felt strangely empty like something was missing. 

“My fingers are going back in,” Lena warned into Kara’s ear. The blonde barely had a chance to react before Lena had slammed her fingers back inside of her. Kara shrieked, a shrill ear-splitting sound as she felt the fullness from Lena’s fingers return. The Luthor was done playing around too. Both women knew how long it had been since Kara had gotten off, she wouldn’t last long but that didn’t stop Lena from pumping her fingers into Kara with everything she had, knowing that everything she had was nothing to Kara.

Nothing might be an understatement though. Kara was definitely reacting. It took all of her super strength to remain grounded to the couch. Lena was relentless with her thrusts, the pushed into her with all the meager human strength she had. Each pump elicited a lewd, squelching sound that echoed through the room, a testament to Kara’s enjoyment and Lena took the sound like a prize and something to motivate her. For a while she kept things the same, trying to give the Kryptonian a chance to get used to everything but soon that wasn’t enough. 

Soon she was biting at Kara’s ear as she fingered the absolute living shit out of her pussy, by far the tightest thing Lena had ever experienced. At the apex of her thrusts, she’d curl her fingers and as she pulled back they would scrape along Kara’s inner wall and it was at those moments that the Kryptonian would really screech. When Lena began pressing on Kara’s clit she was worried she might have to stop, Kara had practically bent in two just from Lena pressing on the swollen bundle of nerves. 

Kara was gritting her teeth, essentially growling as Lena stopped to make sure she was okay. “I’m o-okay.  I’m okay. Be careful but don’t stop, please, Lena…” and when she looked at Lena, blue eyes wide with arousal, Lena caught everything else hidden behind those eyes too. It wasn’t just arousal, there was a primal need there. Kara was desperate, she needed this, she needed the release. It was only fair that Lena delivered since she had started all this.

So she doubled down on what she’d been doing and it didn’t take long for her to have Kara seeing stars. The blonde wasn’t sure if she was simply enjoying herself or actually dizzy. She wasn’t even sure what Lena was doing down there anymore, she was probably thrusting, yeah, but she couldn’t feel any of those details anymore. The pumps had grown and evolved into nothing but white-hot pleasure that coursed through her. It’s like Lena was pumping fire into her veins, her cells were jolted awake and every single inch of the Kryptonian tingled. She screamed until her voice was growing hoarse and she hadn’t even reached those coveted fireworks yet.

It was building though. It was deep in her core, under her belly she could feel it. The only thing Kara could compare it to was like a flame. It had started out small but Lena had been stoking it this entire time. She was encouraging it to grow, adding fuel to the fire, so the flame grew. It had grown steadily at first but then Lena poured gasoline on it and it was building at a dangerous rate. Pressure was added to the fire, making Kara’s head spin as it came ever closer to releasing, whatever dam was holding back this torrent was about to break.

It broke in spectacular fashion. Kara began shrieking again as her entire being seemed to explode. She turned into nothing more than a convulsing, screaming, soaked mess. Her entire body was convulsing, every powerful muscle in her body strained as she came wave after wave of rapture. She rode the waves of pleasure, clumsily but Lena was there to help her through it. Kara hadn’t even noticed when they’d started kissing again, perhaps in an attempt to silence the screaming. 

Lena pumped her fingers expertly, helping Kara ride the waves. As the orgasm began to subside so too did the intensity of Lena’s fingers. She slowed them as Kara’s body began to come down from the intense high it had just been experiencing. Supergirl had grown tense, her entire body had been rigid and then all the tension seemed to release at the same time her orgasm ended. She was left there panting and it actually took several long minutes for her to fully recover. When she did finally open her eyes she found a very giddy Lena, who had obviously just finished licking her fingers clean, grinning at her.

“You didn’t hurt me.”

“I didn’t hurt you…” Kara repeated, throat raw and in need of a drink. Kara laughed weakly, “I didn’t hurt you.” she repeated and sighed as she leaned her head back against the back of the sofa, all of her limbs complete jelly. She whispered, one final time, “I didn’t hurt you…” before she drifted off, Lena having exhausted her far more than any fight could have.

**Author's Note:**

> In my other fics Kara's powers aren't really an issue, so I really wanted to write something where Kara's powers are an actual problem. I wanted to write a fic where I explore how Kara's powers could be a problem. The idea is that when she's around Lena she gets so excited, so happy that she has more trouble controlling herself. Not for mundane things, like if they're talking and stuff, but definitely more during kissing, or being physical for example. I want to explore the emotional and physical ramifications of Kara's power, and what happens when she hurts Lena pretty badly. 
> 
> I want to play this out kind of like Arrow, in the sense of flashbacks. I can't promise each chapter is going to have flashbacks but I wanted to have that stuff in there. I wanted to be able to tell the story of how Kara became broken, all the incidents that led to her deciding she was dangerous, but I also wanted to explore the aftermath and have the two characters reconnect in some way or another, even if it's only as friends at first. I have a lot of ideas with this, this is going to be a long, slow one I think. I love exploring emotions, and I /feel/ like maybe that's where I excel? At capturing the emotions, while also keeping the characters, well, in character. That's difficult for me to say, because I'm reluctant to say I'm good at anything, but, yeah...
> 
> I'm going to take Kara to some pretty dark places before she can find the light again. Way more angsty than my other fics, except for maybe Doomsday. But life has pain in it, and it's so Kara to do something that hurts her if it means the people she cares about can be happy. So let's explore what happened to Kara and Lena back then, and let's see where they go years later, yeah?
> 
> Anyway, stick with me for a while, and see if you like it? There's going to be smut eventually too if you are into that as well! 
> 
> Also if anyone has a better title, or, like... can help write a better summary or teach me how to tag, want to hit me up?
> 
> Or message me on Tumblr! Come hang out! I get super lonely, haha >_<
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/littlesupercorpwrirer
> 
> Thank you everyone!


End file.
